Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Open Letter to the Guy Who Hijacked Yesterday's Post

Dear Genius Beyond His Years,

Thank you so much for your wonderful comment yesterday that enlightened me and totally didn't de-rail my boring post about cats and Hogwarts or whatever. Who even cares! We have the entire population of American Women to discriminate against and that takes time. All these lonely peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and tears as I sit around my cold, dark and empty apartment will have to wait. Let's bash us some women! Bitches ain't shit! Amiright?

Artist's Conception of the boycottamericanwomen web team.
The Boy's are Back in town! Boys are back in Too-oow-oww-owwwn!

The best thing about your blog is all the scientific research and deep-thinking you've put into it. I like when you use numerical data to back up your claims. Like how "over 50 percent of American women are single. The facts speak for themselves- NO ONE WANTS YOU!". I'm sure the other non-single 50% is married to cows or dating trees or something equally PERVERSE. I also like how your opinion that "only about 3-5% of American women are worth marrying. And that's being generous. I expect those numbers to steadily decline over the next decade." is cited as fact. Here's another fact maybe you didn't know: I think you might be a little retarded. And those numbers are showing an upward trend. Also, there was some good data on your site that said "its is true that its a growing trend among the women to act like tryant like cunt flaps". Its is SOOO true. I bet CNN has been tracking that one very closely. We can't have our ladies acting like "tryants" OR "cunt flaps", never mind "tryant cunt flaps".

Just as an outsider's perspective, I totally don't think you sound like a bitter loser no matter what everyone else on the planet is saying. You don't strike me as the type of inbred misogynistic creep who has spent too much time in a cramped trailer filled with ever-growing piles of Bud Light© cans, wallowing in your own self-pity because the woman you loved broke your heart. I'm sure there aren't like 40 cats living with you and that you are the pinnacle of masculine virtue and handsomeness. There is nothing cowardly about airing your petty small-minded grievances on the Internet instead of addressing directly those who hurt you. Don't listen to what everyone is saying. You're a real catch! Keep your chin up. Maybe you could marry a bear. Bears are awesome powerful creatures that remind us of the primal strength and beauty of mother nature. Plus they sleep all winter so you could totally rape them. You seem like the rapin' kind. Or maybe a sea lion.

Run to her. She's waiting.

I want you to know I'm not like a "mangina" or anything who is going to suggest you have a little dick like one of your readers did. I'm sure there is no reason why all your readers sound just like you. What a coincidence. I totally concur that American Women have too much self-respect, and too much identity and that they need to get in touch with their slave status like in the good old days before we let them vote. Maybe, as you suggest, we should find a nice Mexican or Eastern European girl, who totally won't be able to understand how idiotic the things we say are until it's way too late. HAHAHAHA! Tough luck, Ukraine! Guess you should learned more English than "I do!" Amiright? Up top!

You see I've been hurt too, my friend. I too have felt the cruel sting of a bitter, probably secret lesbian American Woman, who doesn't understand that Women's lib is the same as Man Hate. I have too been scorned and cast away by an obese, hairy American who was all aloof and lazy and didn't want to do anything around the house. It wouldn't have been so hard if I didn't love her so. Here's our wedding picture:


Hugs Not Drugs,
K-

46 comments:

boycottamericanwomen said...

Beautiful post! Thanks man.

Still, I think you're a cocksucker mangina faggot. No offense.

Moooooog35 said...

I don't know.

He's put up another pretty convincing argument.

JAG said...

I AM an American woman and I've decided to boycott myself. This guy right here is persuasive as hell. I see now that it was completely wrong of me not to want to bear his children and whatever else it is that he wants. I don't know, I was all tl;dr.

MJ Heiser said...

Oh, thank God *this* American woman can sleep at night without having to worry about being hit on by Skeeter No-Spine over there.

Chelle said...

Are you? Kurt... a mangina? I've had my suspicions, but I'm too afraid to ask.

See, I've been deleting these B.A. W. comments from my blog but maybe I need to look into this website. As a Canadian woman, I have been boycotting American women as being marriageable all along. I kind of feel like I can relate to this fellow. We are kindred, if you will allow.

Plus my Dad punched a bear in the face one.

Chelle said...

*once.

*hiccup

(Drunk in the morning is fine as long as the kids are at school already.)

Kev D. said...

I'm thinking that it's some woman that is looking for a green card, so she's trying to convince american men to mail themselves some of them brides from Russia and beyond.

Time will tell on this one.

Miss Yvonne said...

After I read your post, I was all "No way could this guy have a good comeback for that!" and then he was all "cocksucker mangina faggot".

Burrrnnnn!

You just can't keep up with wit and intellect like that.

Kev D. said...

BOYCOTT "BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN"
Why everyone should boycott "BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexism

I am a Canadian man, and I have decided to boycott that stupid blog. In a nutshell, that stupid blog is the most likely to have nothing interesting to say, no real point, no proper argument, no educated author, etc. Therefore, what intelligent person would want to read that shit?

That stupid blog is generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly STUPID. The behavior of that stupid blog is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

That stupid blog is clearly written by people (person...???) who feel or simply are inferior beings (mentally at least), and we should all boycott that stupid blog and never visit it, look at it, or give the moron writing this shit the satisfaction of thinking that anyone has given him a first or second look.

I haven't even gone to that stupid blog. I don't intend to. No one should.

Boycott "BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN"

PEACE!

BeckEye said...

How does one even boycott women? What are we selling? Oh, are we all hookers?

BugginWord said...

I can't wait until Anderson Cooper interviews you while footage of this guy raping Bethesda Fountain plays in the background. Well done!

Megs said...

You know, if his facts are right, the boycott should already have been successful.

Excuse me. I need to go check and make sure my husband is still chained to the oven. And that he is, in fact, an American man and not a plastic ficus or something.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I think we should start a Boycott Boycott American Women blog blog.

nugganu said...

I'm not American, but I find Yank women to be mostly crass, unfeminine creatures. That said, they're good for a quick blowjob. If I were an American man looking for a wife, I'd go elsewhere too.

Tanya said...

Did he post that on MLK day on purpose? Are chicks like buses? Should men sit on us or boycott sitting on us?

A Vapid Blonde said...

I think I like *cunt flaps* way better than *beed curtains* you know as in terminology not as in lunch meat or anything.

so...yah.

A Vapid Blonde said...

Shit *BEEF CURTAINS* Bead curtains are so 1970.

SQT said...

Boycott guy seems like he strikes out a lot. Bitter bitter bitter. I feel sorry for the mail order bride that gets stuck with him. He does know that his foreign born bride will still get half of his money (what little there is) right? I mean, it's not like she's going to stay or anything.

nova said...

He called me ugly and said I "look like a lesbian" on my blog, hahahahahahaha.

Pearl said...

That's three times I've seen that guy's comments.

And how do you "boycott women"?? You're not going to.. what?!

Pearl

Chelle said...

I'm just wondering if anyone has seen a rally schedule or anything... y'know.. for the big "down with ladies" rally. I've been primping all afternoon for it.

Scratch the hostile fay said...

I'm thinking of starting a new 'blog. One titled "boycotttheidiotwiththeboycottamericanwomenblog"

You likey?

Aye,
Scratch

PS Hairy Potter cats?

Brandy Rose said...

There should be like a blacklist for trolls like "BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN".

Scratch the hostile fay said...

PPS

Have you checked out HIS site? The coward doesn't allowed comments on HIS site.

Wonder why?

Scratch

Marty said...

aw crap, I forgot to put on my shackles today. oh shit, did I just have a thought?? fuck, I'm never going to find a (second) husband...

Jack said...

I heard about the boycott and decided that I had to check it out. Would I be considered a scab if I crossed the picket lines.

With such a powerful boycott in place I figure that I have a serious shot at finally getting the date with that girl who turned me down in 9th grade.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

That guy's spam commentary about American women is spot on, and frankly I'm ashamed of myself. I can't even look my vagina in the face today.

Also, I bet when you posed for that wedding pic, if someone had said, "In 15 years, Kurt, you'll be photoshopping a cat with a pineapple head over the face of your lovely bride and posting it on the Internet, you'd have been all, 'Photoshop?', and after they explained what Photoshop was you'd be all 'Internet?' and after they explained that too you'd be all 'Pineapple?" and then we'd all shake our heads and think to ourselves 'That Kurt has a drug problem.'"

Homemaker Man said...

I think this is a pretty angry post towards someone who was only trying to use his meticulous scientific research to help you not make a huge mistake. I am completely on board because the numbers do not lie.
I haven't purchased an american woman since 1962.

That's the year they got the vote.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I prefer lesbian cats.

Jessy said...

This is the best day in blogging history. Between this post and Allie posting something new on Hyperbole and a Half, my work day was tolerable and almost enjoyable.

Now if only Becky at Steam Me Up Kid would post, I could die happy.

Helena said...

is it sad that i laughed at how much that guy must want to kill himself after reading comments like these? i mean, cummon, i wanna be a goddamn shrink one day and i'm still laughing at the thought!

SQT said...

Jessy-- Becky posted! It's a trifecta!

boardingschoolgirl said...

As a girl in America, I absolutely agree! I don't know a single female human literate enough to type "faggot," much less put forth so eloquently the absolutely valid and substantiated facts that were communicated by the fine sir whom this post addresses. Bravo!

Now back to the kitchen I go to fetch congratulatory sandwiches for all of you menfolk. You deserve them.

bitethebedbugs said...

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Nicole said...

Mangina. I'm a fan-gina of mangina.

Personally, I never date---let alone marry---American women. Never mind that my state doesn't allow it or that I'm hetero, or that I trip over my labia majora when I walk.

Kurt, you've righted a wrong here. I'm not sure which wrong, but one of them, certainly.

Secret Agent K said...

Yes I am going to need you to go ahead and give me the contact information for this guy. I mean, rawwwr, he's so well spoken! And what else is sexier then a creeper who probably thinks Heina or no is an excellent response to pretty much any question AND says faggot with SUCH conviction!

Oh wait that's not sexy at all...Damn it

Ireland said...

This post just screams awesome.

thank you for putting that douche in his place (pardon my french)

:)

HumorSmith said...

I have to say...um....thanks for posting what I was thinking. And in the future stay the hell outta my head.

Beta Dad said...

I'm pretty sure boycottamericanwomen is Single Dad Laughing's evil twin.

Sarah P said...

If I leave 30 comments, you'll have 69.

That's something AmericanWomanHater will never have - at least not with a woman who washes her crotch.

Hailey said...

That's like someone who drives a Hyundai saying they're boycotting sports cars.

CatZilla said...

I'm just going to say....How dare you offer up that innocent, beautiful bear like she's some piece of meat?!? Can't you see she's already cared for and loved by that girl in the background with the pointy blue hat?? CARED FOR AND LOVED!!

unmitigated me said...

Can I just say you really rocked the soul patch in your wedding photo. Isn't that the same facial hair Jesus had?

Katt said...

Damn it, there goes my plan to trap me a man. Captain Misogynist just had to go and blow my cover... Guess I will take the beer back to the store, hang up my apron, quit cleaning my kitchen, and commence with the eating of Twinkies, cause if a man of his caliber has caught on, I have no hope of getting a good, pussy-whipped hubby. *simper*

Your rebuttal made me grin.

Johnay said...

Wow.

Wow.

Lots of fabulous responses. Can't add anything really.

Does it include women from outside America who move there, or women from America who move away? What about the daughters of American women who live elsewhere? Friends of American women who are themselves female?

Fortunately the "statistics" lean against our intrepid "boycotter" from being able to find a female partner...well...anywhere now. Is that a form of evolution? I mean, it's all over the net right?

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

He hit my blog yesterday. I nearly shit a solid gold brick when I read what he wrote. THEN I went to his blog. Assbag coward does not have comments enabled... so I wrote a post to him on my blog - http://midwesternmamah.blogspot.com/2011/02/june-cleaver-anal-beads.html

Thanks to Chunky Mama for sending me your way!!