"Mr. McLane. Are you going to eat ALL those Pop-Tarts©?"
And so I sat down to write and I couldn't think of anything so I decided to meditate a little, and the best way to do that I've found is to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up tight and imagine how cool it would be to be Spider-man only invisible, because think of all the creepy stalker things you could do that no one ever talks about wanting to do, but everybody seriously thinks about it all the time, I'm sure. Feel free to judge because maybe you've seen enough of my fat lady neighbor naked, but I haven't*. Maybe some people don't think of that as meditating but on the other hand, I totally needed that nap after only getting 10 hours of sleep the night before.
And then I decided that while napping is usually the best solution to every problem, it may not help me think of anything to write about because writing about dreams is not quite as interesting as writing about your cat's swollen lymph nodes or infected anal glands. (Which is totally interesting if that's your thing, by the way. No, really.) And besides, a dream is a wish your heart makes and if you tell everyone how you seem to be wishing for a lot of softcore fellatio lately, then those dreams won't come true. (*hums Cinderella song. glances at hand lotion*)
So finally here I am, sitting at the computer, resolve strengthened to NOT write a post about my trip to Universal Studios Orlando that starts out "My first thought as I entered The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was that there must be an awful lot of neglected cats across America right now." and I've also promised myself I won't slap together another long self-indulgent post about my pretend writing process that is self-referential at the end and caps the whole thing off with mindless profanity and yet another kitty Photoshop that I am the only one who ever finds funny.
* Just like 10 times. I'm totally being deprived just because she finally figured out the whole "Lit room, no curtains at night" thing. Jeez lady! I'm paying rent (sort of) for a reason you know!