Because God says I'm not allowed to sleep anymore, I was up all night, and by "up" I mean "lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, and generally being miserable". So now instead of napping, I'm totally awake and need something to do. I thought I'd go see "Push" maybe because it's a movie about mind bullets, and I have been told that my superpower rankings need to be reconsidered and what better way to do that research than to go see a movie about it. I'm pretty much an ace reporter. You should call me "Scoop" and I could wear a fedora and have a notepad and that would be boss.
Anyway(s), I looked up a synopsis online to see how "Pew! Pew! Pew!" this movie is and I read this:
"After his father, an assassin, is brutally murdered, Nick Gant (Chris Evans) vows revenge on Division, the covert government agency that dabbles in psychic warfare and experimental drugs. Hiding in Hong Kong's underworld, Nick assembles a band of rogue psychics dedicated to destroying Division. Together with Cassie (Dakota Fanning), a teenage clairvoyant, Nick goes in search of a missing girl and a stolen suitcase that could be the key to accomplishing their mutual goal"
Only because I'm so tired I read that last sentence as "... the key to accomplishing their mutual GOAT." And for a second I thought. "What the Eff is a mutual goat?" and then I tried to imagine what a mutual goat would be, and I thought it was probably one that you kept in the backyard because you are too cheap to buy a lawnmower and he wanders around eating all the weeds and tin cans you have out there and you have to share him with your neighbor because he's a MUTUAL goat. And then I thought about what a crappy yard you must have if it has enough tin cans in it to feed a goat. You pretty much have to be throwing ALL your garbage out the window. Have some respect for the environment, man! And then I imagined the HUGE pile of refuse that must build up under your window while it was your cheapskate neighbor's turn to use the goat and that's disgusting and I bet you have roaches, you filthy bastard. And then I re-read the last sentence of the synopsis and my whole goat-based scenario just kind of unraveled.
I don't know how one would "accomplish" a goat anyway(s), and it's probably sexual, so I'M not going to start thinking about it and instead I think it's time to try napping again. Stupid goats.
UPDATE: I was just lying there thinking about people using their mind bullets to make other people have sex with goats and a ladybug fell in my mouth. Note to self: close mouth while sleeping. Also: re-evaluate Mind Bullets on super-power list.
SUPER-REPOST UPDATE: "Push" sucked balls. I hate Chris Evans so hard that if given the choice of pretending to like Chris Evans or slamming my fingers repeatedly in the door of a jackoff booth in a porn store where there is probably dried jizz all over the place until my hand is mangled and bleeding and then I get hand-herpes or finger-syphllis or whatever...I'm no doctor...I just know "Fuck Chris Evans".