This is what your period would look like if it was turned into an animal. Do you think it's a coincidence I choose a cat to personify it? Than you don't know me at all.
I don't like to always write about periods, but I learned something really interesting this morning about you girls and your secretive lady-time and I wanted to share it with the world because I would rather teach a man to fish and feed his knowledge about menstruation for a lifetime. Or something.
What I learned was that the thing where girls who live together all sync up their periods is not some type of vaginal witchcraft as I previously had suspected, but is rather a proven medical phenomenon known as the McClintock Effect. I thought it was just a freak occurrence like The Perfect Storm, where instead of waves coming together to capsize Russell Crowe's boat, there is irrationality and bitchiness and ice cream and tampon wrappers in the garbage can to capsize my life.
The McClintock Effect is, of course, named after John Wayne's character from the movie McClintock!* who "likes his whiskey hard...his women soft... and the West all to himself." And maybe you think it's weird that they would name vagina magic after The Duke, but remember his real name was "Marion", and that's a girl's name and girls get on their periods, so really it makes perfect sense.**
Especially the sexy "Right to Get a Spanking For Not Cookin' My Dinner"
And I don't know whose bright idea it was to name it The McClintock! Effect, because that sounds boring and not even a little mysterious or supernatural and I personally believe that all the women getting on the same cycle is spooky as hell. That's the kind of shit I expect to jump out at me from behind the bushes on Halloween night. I would have called it "Lady Bloodworth's Voodoo Pussy Enchantment" to really put the fear of it into men. That's why you guys don't get paid as good as us... you've never utilized the creeping horror of your menstrual cycle to your advantage. Get in the game, Ladies!
Words To Live By:
Go read my review of Let Me In on The Roaring Dork. *Spoiler*: I'm handsome
* Now I don't know about you, but I think any movie that has an exclamation point right in the title is pretty goddamn arrogant and need to get over itself.
** Three seconds of research would have told me that John Wayne has nothing to do with pussy voodoo, but those are three seconds I could be looking at myself in the mirror and deciding if the abs I just drew on with a Sharpie© look real enough before I go to the gym. So really it just makes sense that I didn't do the research.