Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sometimes It's Just About Hitting Publish and Not Looking Back

Maybe you don't think 15 minutes is enough time to write a quality post, but guess what else you didn't think about? Me getting your mom pregnant and then she has to have the baby because that generation didn't believe in abortions but they did believe in shame and then your mom has the baby and now I'm like your illegitimate half-dad. Your Bastard Dad. And you know what happens when you sass-talk your Bastard Dad, right? That's right...he get's drunk on Brandy Alexanders and won't stop putting his hand down his pants and adjusting himself while singing a weird variant of "Freebird" that features the line "I'm a flea with a bird nom!" and before you can ask what that means I pass out.

Here is my new favorite dinosaur:


HAHAHAHAHA! Two Wang asaurus! Get it? (It's a dick joke.)

Moral: Maybe sometimes when you have only 15 minutes to write, it's better to sit quietly and just think about birds or flowers or something.

Also Moral: TWO WANGS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

22 comments:

Jen O. said...

Is that your finger?

Ed said...

I WANNA TWOWANGOSAURUS!!!

Wait, what?

Dude, that dino is totally prepared for a menage a tios (?)...three-way.

Moooooog35 said...

Coincidentally, "Two Wang and sore ass" usually describes a typical Tuesday for Paris Hilton.

Writing Womb said...

Nice, I never met my father and I always wondered who he might be...and now I know...DADDY! Don't plant your two wangs in my saur ass! (at least not without some lube) zing!

Miss Yvonne said...

So I waited a week for you to post again and you give me two wangs??? TWSS. Hardcore.

mommybyday.com said...

Good lord. Who comes up with dinosaur names?!

Didactic Pirate said...

Can I borrow the car, New Dad? I promise to pick you up a thirty and some 'backy on the way home. Mama says you makes her happy and I should just shut up about it.

Beta Dad said...

What kind of Bastard Father's Day gift can you get for a guy who's got everything, including your mom?

Pearl said...

HA! What Beta Dad said!

Pearl

nova said...

Well. That's...something. Actually it's kind of growing on me.

TWSS

Sarah P said...

Fucking Brandy Alexanders are awesome. Fucking awesome.

Also? My aunt, who had five kids with her husband, got divorced - but she was Catholic, so she had the marriage annulled. It's like the marriage never happened, so now my cousins are all bastards. Such good material for family gatherings.

soft nonsense said...

Even posts that I want to finish in 15 minutes seem to last for an hour. Serious kudos, a high laugh per minute ratio here.

Char said...

Two wangs don't make it wight...but its still funny.

That Baldy Fella said...

I'm slightly disappointed that I have seen this many times at the Natural History Museum and failed to make that joke. Plus, as everyone else has covered the wang-based comments, this comment shall be wang-free.

A Vapid Blonde said...

Two Wang, Two Wang, Two Wang

He's so fine...

(can you hear the melody?)

Mandy's Kidding said...

With a picture like that, you can't go wrong with a fifteen minute blog.

Maggie May said...

twaaang

that is my brain

禎峰 said...

你不能左右天氣,但你可以改變心情.............................................................

Just.Kate said...

"Two wang? Oh, sore us!"

Wait. Was this dinosaur a Chinese hooker, or is the accent a coincidence?

Creative Larceny said...

Shotgun blogposts!

Carolyn...Online said...

Brandy Alexanders? You are so gay.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

What a rough time that dinosaur had in middle school.