Why Boobies are better than other end of the world scenarios:
1) Dinosaurs - While we can all agree that a dinosaur Armageddon would be cool to watch, the fact is that there would just have to be SO many predators running around to eat everyone that there is a good chance you would die just by getting stepped on. If I'm getting killed by a rampaging dinosaur, I sure as fuck better get eaten. If a dinosaur steps on you, I'm pretty sure you go to Shame Heaven. For me it's disembowelment and devouring or nothing. Call me old fashioned. It should be pointed out that a boob never accidentally stepped on anyone, or at least if it did that person isn't complaining.
2) Vikings - While Viking Armageddon means getting to use lots of words with silent "j"s in them, one thing it doesn't do is have pretty nipples to tweak. If you ever tried to tweak a Viking you'd end up with an axe in your junk and i think we can all agree that if I have to die, it's for the betterment of future societies that their anthropologists are able to study my wang in it's natural (ie: awesome), uncut-up form. They would be all "My God! This specimen had the most awesome wang!Judging by all the lady skeletons in the area, I can tell that they totally had orgasms all over the place all day, and it was all thanks to this guy and he totally didn't ever play Dungeons and Dragons in high school or get caught digging through the cafeteria garbage with his Mom in 8th grade looking for his retainer. No. This guy was raw sexual energy. Don't touch his bones or you'll get pregnant." What does this have to do with Vikings? I'm glad you asked.
3) I'm already bored with this post and let's face it once you've had boobies and dinosaurs and Vikings, it's all gonna be "let's see if I can really stretch this into a full post" bullshit like The Roofie Apocalypse, or the "Coming In your Sock-pocalypse" where everyone dies from chronic masturbation, or the terrible Eel Apocalypse which I've totally been trying to warn everyone about, and just because I tell you something in the middle of a mall and smell like Sloe Gin Fizzes and maybe I'm a little "loosey-goosey" with the belt on my bathrobe... that doesn't mean it's not true. Anyway(s)...I need a sandwich so let's not beat this to death anymore than I have to.