Friday, April 30, 2010

Skanks Are People Too. In Theory.

This picture has nothing to do with this post. It just makes me laugh.

I was going to write this whole post in defense of Skanks because I feel like everyone is racist against them even though they provide the valuable service of passing out on the pool table in the middle of a crowded party with their skirt hiked up around their waist, and I don't know about you but that is the vision of an America I want to live in, where the vaginas are easy to look at and the suggestive eyebrow waggles as she opens a container of Altoids flow like milk and honey. I don't know what that even means. Honey doesn't even hardly flow.

Anyway(s), I started that post but it always ended up being an elaborate "your mom" joke, and I like to think that I am above that even though that is obviously super-self-deceptionish and really the only thing I am above when it comes to your mom is the cellar porn-dungeon where I keep her. Here's a taste of what I am too classy to post:

"Now I first became Pro-Skank when I rolled off your mom the other day and she asked me to pass over her smokes and then proceeded to blow her nose in her panties which she pulled out of her handbag. And I thought 'I wonder what there is to eat in the fridge? Maybe there is still some of that salami left. That was delicious!' and then I thought "I wonder if those estrogen pills I just stole from her can get me high?' but THEN I thought 'Someone ought to ask her if she needs cab fare to a clinic or something because that smell can't be normal...but who?' "

So basically I can sum up the whole post thusly :

1) The word "skank" is super-funny.
2) Your Mom is a whore.

Not exactly mankind's first step on the moon or anything, but I think there is a time and a place for between breaking new ground in blogging and that time for me is "later" and that place is "Kangaroos" because I stopped paying attention a while back and I just saw a picture of some kangaroos. Hey look. I can't be this handsome AND focused. Jesus. Sometimes your neediness really gets to me.

In defense of my own misogyny, here is a picture from the Slave Girl Princess Leia Car Wash that was held in LA a few days ago. Now I'm no genius lawyer, but I think we can all agree that this case should be dismissed and I should be remanded to the custody of Your Mom.

See what I did there? We came full circle back to Skanks. I can practically smell my Pulitzer. Or maybe that's just the skanks. It smells like foot cream and old tires.



13 comments:

Ed said...

I would take skanks like that anyday.

In fact, all 3 at once would be great.

Lindsay said...

For some reason, all I could picture the whole time I was reading this was your mom's roastbeef curtain... Strange.

miss. chief said...

wo-hoah, roastbeef curtain? I never knew Kurt's mom was so fancy.

Sarah P said...

I really wish you would stop writing posts to my kids.

Sara said...

I really wish you would stop having sex with my mom. Seriously. I'm really tired of it.

bella said...

ha!

Jen O. said...

Why do we have to look at the skanks? Couldn't you have posted the picture of the kangaroos? Was it a baby kangaroo peeking out of his mommy's pouch? Those skanks probably smell like Febrese and tuna and I'd much rather look at a baby kangaroo than imagine what "skank" smells like in L.A.

justsomethoughts... said...

i read through the entire post and the word that came to mind a number of times was
"disturbing".

that and "hilarious".

Logical Libby said...

I tried to go pro-skank, but I just didn't have enough guys in me.

Homemaker Man said...

If you rolled off my mom, you'd be insane, dead, or really itchy before your feet hit the floor. That's what we're doing, right? My Mom jokes?

Scribe said...

Kurt, you are too funny (and handsome) for words. My mom likes altoids so you'd better stock up. I hear she's a skank. ;)

Scribe

laboriousliving said...

two words. Vaginal rejuvenation.

函松 said...

Actions speak louder than words. ........................................