Friday, March 19, 2010

They Don't Even Have A Noble Prize For Best Porn. Who knew?

So because I am a great humanitarian, I have decided not to post any super-deep thought pieces today because it's Friday and I've already had like 6 Sloe Gin Fizzes, and maybe you think that's a girly drink but these pants didn't take themselves off, so they must work just fine.

The first thing I want to talk about is this:



which maybe was taken from the failblog, but I can't be sure because there aren't always that many good clues about where pictures come from. I think any dinosaur that needs to wear a costume to eat a human is a big Pussy-a-saurus and needs to harden the fuck up. Come on, Man! Dinosaurs don't wear costumes! They wear entrails like a Mexican bandito wears his bandolier. That's not racist because draping yourself with bullets is cool and not lame and while it assumes that any bandito is Mexican, it does not assume that I care to be educated on the matter.

***
The other thing I wanted to share is the greatest reason for God and Buddha and Rosh Hashanah and Zeebus to create the internet. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Lazertits.com. It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like so if you think that it's suitable for work, you must work in a porn factory or a brothel or your mom's house. Here's a sample that probably won't get you fired, but maybe save it for later anyways:


Pew! Pew! Pew! This is the greatest website ever!

PS: Except for Mama Pop after 1pm today, when you can read more of my innovative and handsome thoughts!

13 comments:

Jen O. said...

Do you talk like this in real life? 'Cause it's fun to read, like a rollercoaster for my eyes and brain, but I bet Beautiful Treasure gets dizzy a lot and has to lay down.

And maybe those dinosaurs are just trying to make an honest buck and are sick of being discriminated against based on their violent, people-eating ancestors and have resorted to wearing disguises in order to land the high-powered positions. Sometimes people can be so insensitive...

kate said...

I would so work at that Blockbuster...but only if they could assure me that I'd get to hang out with at least one dinosaur (costume preferred, but not required).

Logical Libby said...

Lazertits save lives. It's documented.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

Lazertits was great in For the Boys. And Beaches.

pew pew.

Tony said...

I wish I had Lazertits!

And yeah, dinosaurs started becoming pussies back when Land Before Time came out. All they cared about was the stupid tree star.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Weird. Lazertits was my grandma's maiden name.

Pronounced Lah-ZER-titz.

She was Polish.

Stripper Polish.

Ok. I'll stop.

Char said...

Hmmm, guess I shoulda taken the suggested protective eyewear...
My eyes are really hurting.

BugginWord said...

That was like Xanadu, RainbowBrite and Real Genius all rolled into one. I'm spent.

A Vapid Blonde said...

I think I must have lazers installed. IMMEDITATELY

香蕉哥哥 said...

thank you for you to make me learn more,thank you∩0∩

Carolyn...Online said...

It makes you wonder why took the internet so long to come up with tits firing lasers...

Megs said...

Is that an option? Like if I walk into the boob doctor and say, "I want the ones that shoot lazers." Could that happen.

Because yes please.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Discrimination of the worst kind. If I were a dinosaur, I'd be pointing fingers...or claws. And according to my kids, of course, I AM a dinosaur. HA.Ha.ha.