See? Let's see Peyton Manning something something football-word on THAT thing! I think Cy-gor© is a great name for a cybernetic gorilla because you couldn't call it "Tic-illa" because that sounds like a hilarious tickling machine and not a terrifying perversion of nature. I think I would call my football team-devouring gorilla "Darfur" to raise awareness, and not just for the genocide occurring there, but also for me to the Nobel Peace Prize Action Squad or whatever they have.
They'd be all "Did you really name your killer robot gorilla 'Darfur'?" and I'd be all "I sure did. To raise awareness." and they'd be all "My God. So kind AND handsome. I think I speak for the whole world when I say 'Thank YOU, Kurt.' here is your prize and your prize money and your free Netflix membership for life*, and the committee member from Russia wanted you to have a couple of hookers** but don't worry they are totally clean and new to the hooker business and your girlfriend already called and said it was okay so don't worry about that." and I'd be all "Thanks, Nobel Action Squad! I knew you wouldn't let me down."
Maybe you are wondering if a killer robotic ape is really the best way to raise awareness for the atrocities occuring in the Sudan. Well let me just say that I didn't even know Darfur was IN the Sudan before I wrote this post. So obviously awareness has increased. And also mind your own business Nosy Nelly. And also,also: Check out how many toe-raises I can do in a row without making ouchie face or anything. Your witness.
*I'm not positive you get a lifetime Netflix subscription with the Nobel Peace Prize but I think you should. You just have to promise to never watch any movies with Keanu Reeves in them. (zing!)
** I know, I know...the objectification of women by using them as sexual rewards is a terrible atrocity and dehumanizing and blah,blah,blah daddy issues... but don't blame me. That Russian guy was totally hammered on Vodka spritzers like THE WHOLE TIME I was imagining it. Don't hate the playa...hate the game.