Well I want to figure out a way to use the Human Genome Project or whatever to bottle that emotion and sell it to the Army as a chemical weapon. Because it's simultaneously like wishing you were dead and being lost and super-self-consciousness and incredible embarrassment all at once. If you sprayed a blast of it in someone's face they would probably start to cry and turn super sensitive and then if you gave them a teddy bear they would probably curl up in a ball on the hard, arid desert* soil and take a nap. But guess what? That teddy bear? C4. BOOOOM!!! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fuck you, Terrorist!
And then an eagle would scream and jets would fly overhead while I salute them in a low-angle slow-motion shot and kids are running through the streets of a small town with ice cream and there would be fireworks and BMX jumps and hot Army chicks willingly giving out fellatios and then the whole world turns into a giant American flag while Van Halen wails a killer guitar riff from the David Lee Roth years all over the place.
I would call the chemical "America Freedom Rockets Dinosaurs Vagina-oxl**" and that my friends is how we beat terrorists where I'm from.***
*I don't mean to be racist against deserts because there are plenty of deserts like Antarctica that aren't crawling with terrorists as much as with penguins. And those adorable little fellows always looked dressed to the nines!!
This is obviously photoshopped because no penguin would ever look so unkempt!
** I added the "-oxl" so all the scientific community wouldn't get up in arms and then they would remember all the wedgies handsome guys like me always gave them and then no Nobel Prize for Sexy for me. Stupid Stuck-up Scientists.
*** Technically I'm from my Mom's vagina, and I don't know what it's policy on terrorism is. I could ask it. But it's always passed out on the couch and smelling about 15 sailors full.