Thursday, December 17, 2009

This Pretty Much Counts As My Community Service Right?

Vic and Becky and I got together and decided that it was time for a super trifecta pimp and the reason for that is that the person we are pimping is super-nice and likes to wear Wolverine claws and attack her cat and dress as a pirate and write funny adventures that often involve boobs on her blog. So this is me giving up a rare pimp for Miss Yvonne. Way to go, Yvonne. You have garnered my very handsome and eloquent attention.

If you don't read Miss Yvonne, it's because there is something wrong with you, and not a good thing like you were exposed to gamma radiation and now every time you get mad your eyes get all intense and then your forehead gets sweaty and then you are Lou Ferrigno painted green. I mean a bad thing is wrong with you like a tumor. Only this tumor is in your heart and in your funny bone and can only be stopped by reading Miss Yvonne forever. Look, my point is you can either go subscribe to her or you can make your pro-tumor position known to the whole world, or at least to the people who read this blog, which, according to my calculations IS the whole world. Don't be your tumor's yes-man. Seek treatment. Go subscribe.

Miss Yvonne usually has renters at her house and that is hilarious because everyone knows people who rent things are a-holes. I am a renter, so that's not racist of me to say. And her renters are usually inconsiderate or sometimes possible cat-pedophiles or just regular pedophiles but there is no evidence of that. You should never be afraid to cast wild accusations around though, because what if you're right? Now who looks like a genius detective? You do. She also lives with Captain Carl and the Kiddo and frequently is visited by this crazy kid who she calls "Emo", so there's fun for the whole family as long as your family doesn't mind boobs, and cat-rape, and swear words, and laughter. Is your family anti-laughter? Then maybe don't read Miss Yvonne.

Another reason to not read Miss Yvonne is if you think I am not a genius and you don't think I have any good taste at all, even in my mouth. But I do have good taste, and I love Skittles© so "your witness" and also " your mom".... Oooh! That's another thing Miss Yvonne excels at! The Your Mom Joke. If ever there was a Your Mom that needed joking about, all you would have to do is go to Miss Yvonne's site and she'd tell you what's what. Trust me, Your Mom has plenty of jokes to be told about her. Because she's a whore. I'm not saying that for sure. The evidence is circumstantial. But if it looks like an apple and smells like an apple and tastes like an apple, than your mom is a whore. Case closed.

Moral: Go Read Miss Yvonne.
Bonus Moral: I look awesome in these new elastic-band jeans.

20 comments:

Jules said...

Thank God you three decided to pimp her! You also should mention that she's totally glam and is a great influence on her niece. I heart her a ton!!!! She deserves some f*cking award!

Sherendipity said...

Fine, I'll read her...and my Mom totally heard you and you hurt her feelings and she told me to tell you that your date was off.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

A tumor in the funny bone is RIGHT! Osteosarcasma or something.

Miss Yvonne said...

Kurt!!

I was going to write something sentimental and heartfelt to express my thanks for your pimp post, but then I changed my mind and decided to go with this instead...

Thanks for pimping me out just like your mom, who's a dirty whore and also sleeps with a-hole renters.

Sorry, that was the best I could come up with because I'm all smiley and my grinch heart is filling up with love and pimp juice. Just like your mom, except the pimp juice is in her vagina.

Damn. My second effort wasn't much better. Guess I will just say thanks and that I am very honored (and also very sexy, fyi) that y'all chose me! Hurrah for me! And also your mom!

Vic said...

Yay! I saved the mom angle for you Kurt, because I'm full of the Christmas spirit.

And pimp juice.

I feel kind of bloated right now, actually.

erin said...

Should I just post the same comment I left on Vic and Beckerino's blog posts about Miss Yvonne? Okay.

I love Miss Yvonne.

We should have a BlogHer thing. In my house. Tomorrow.

Everyone's invited. Bring lots of food. I'm hungry.

bikramyogachick said...

Has anybody ever told you how handsome you are? No? I didn't think so.
Thanks for sharing her with me. I'm going to go smoke now.....

Kim said...

Man, I never get invited to threesomes.

I adore Miss Yvonne. Yay for her!

mytornadoalley said...

Done. Miss Yvonne is now the newest member of Jen's Reading List: Google Reader Edition.

And I thank you, kind sir, for the recommendation.

Soda and Candy said...

What the fuck are elastic-band jeans?

Also, I added Miss Yvonne's blog to my list, because how could I not after super trifecta pimping buy three of my faves?

Mandy's Kidding said...

I already read Miss Yvonne so tell me something I don't know.

*Looks bored*

*Laughs an evil, maniacal laugh and then leaves before Kurt can wrap his hands around my soft white throat*

Spot said...

My mom is a lot of things but I don't think whore is one of them. My dad couldn't get that lucky! And my mom totally doesn't get "your mom" jokes and yet she laughs when my 16 year old says "pull your head out of your ass grandma" so maybe she really is a whore..

I'm going to read Miss Yvonne now...

♥Spot

Peggy said...

I've been a fan of Miss Yvonne's for a while now. She deserves all the accolades she's getting...I wish she was my neighbor. My neighbors are no fun and they all suck...like your mom? Yeah, see I just can't pull it off quite right...like your mom? Oh just forget it!

ps...the wolverine claw WAS awesome right? I gave it to her...like your mom?

Ed Adams said...

If Miss Yvonne was my mom, I would totally hump her leg.

She's that awesome and I am that strange.

It's a WIN WIN.

Captain Dumbass said...

I hate cats and love boobs so this is pretty much win-win.

Kurt said...

@Jules: She's so glam, The New York Dolls call her and ask her what's what.

@Sherendipity: I never knew your mom was so sensitive. She collected her $5 just like a pro!

@Becks: Man! You totally Topped That! with Osteosarcasma. Way to bring a pistol to a dodgeball game. *shrugs*

@Miss Yvonne: If you had been too nice, it would have been all weird and I would have looked at my shoes and made a clucking sound with my tongue and rocked back and forth on my heels for a bit. I mean...if your Mom was still into that.

@Vic: Your pimp juice has a fruity aftertaste I'm told.

@erin: I'm still a little thrown by the usage of Beckerino.

@YogaGirl: Luckily I just KNOW it, so I don't need anyone to tell me. Also. Your Mom tells me.

@kim:We talked about inviting others but it just seemed messy and like someone would be bored most of the time.

@mytornadoalley: Thanks for heading over there!

@Soda: You know...they sell them in the Maternity section at stores. Awesome.

@Mandy: I let this slide because your being sarcastic for two.

@Spot: Totally a whore. She's just tricky.

@Peggy: Don't give up! Your Mom never does.

@Ed Adams: Miss Yvonne loves when people hump her leg according to a recent poll I just made up where I asked the garbage can what it thought.

@Cap'n D.: You know who doesn't love boobs? Nazis. That's who.

Kristine said...

She's pretty much the reason I'm moving to Texas.

LiLu said...

You guys are givers of the first blogalicious order.

Peggy said...

This reminded me of you for some reason...

http://funnycrave.com/35-reasons-you-should-own-a-dragon/6936/

Dingo said...

Miss Yvonne is already on my radar -- unlike those geese that made Sully take an unexpected landing in the pristine waters of the Hudson.

And yes, you are a genius. A pimp genius. And if there's one thing the world needs more of it's pimp geniuses who eat Skittles. This is true. Your mom told me and she would know.