Monday, December 14, 2009

Rape-achu and Some Links

Hey. Just thought I'd drop by because I've been a little absent lately. Also because I'm so handsome. It's probably good that stop in and tell everyone what's what because otherwise maybe you would think I was kidnapped and being ransomed off to the highest bidder at the high-end man-whore slave auction. There, there. All your concerns, albe-they super legitimate, are for naught. I have evaded any kind of capture and am not involved in any sexy escapades involving narrow escapes, leaps of faith, or tight-rope three-ways. I was going to write something about going to Marrakesh* with a troop of sexy acrobats but then The Wiggles came on and I love those guys.

So anyway(s), I'm working hard and don't have time for you people but in the sensitive feelings in my heart you are still number one or at least number 4 and in keeping with my blood oath of always posting when I feel like it, here is my latest find from the internet:

"Pika-screw!!" (Is that even funny? I totally bet it is.)

This is the perfect gift for the home invader/ pedophile in your life because nothing warm kids up to their impending rape like Pikachu! This cuddly pokemon ski-mask will keep you nice and anonymous for any number of applications from convenience store robberies to scaring the fuck out of seniors who will mistake this adorable pocket monster friend for a demon! HAHAHHAHAA! Notice also it can be worn rolled up to look like the gayest Viking Helmet that ever was. Like if a viking wore this shit on a crossing of the Icy Atlantic than you can be sure that Njörðr would exact his vengeance upon him for being too fruity. And if you think I had to look up Njörðr, to find out he was the Nordic God of the Sea, than you have obviously underestimated my genius, and that's pretty much the last mistake you ever make unless you follow the links below.

Here's my Mama Pop Article on Youth in Revolt.
Michael Cera is the new black. And I don't mean JACK Black! (*slide whistle*)

After 11am EST, you can go there and read my take on the upcoming Tron Sequel.
Hint: Disney sucks my wang. (Notice I didn't use any gross adjectives like "hard" or "hairy" or "enormous", because I believe in your right to decide for yourself. Also because as My Mom used to say "The proof is in the pudding", and Man, did she get upset when I stuck my enormous, hard, hairy wang in her pudding!)

*Marrakesh is the single-most exciting place to have sexy adventures, because look at that "k" in it's name! How Foreign! How Sexy!


Ben said...

That's terrifying but hilarious. If I'm going to get raped by any cartoon character, I hope it's the Pika.

miss. chief said...

i'm going to ask for that for christmas. the mask, i mean.

Dr Zibbs said...

That is a kickass hat.

Soda and Candy said...

Um. That is awful.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Why is it that I find her giant winter breasts just as disturbing as the pull-down pikachu rape mask?

I think it's because if she's so easily indentifiable because of her moundy boobs. I feel kind of sorry for her for that. Like, when the skinniest kid at school, the one with inappropriate boners and piss spots on his crotch all the time wore a He-Man mask for Halloween, and he's so caught up in the spirit that he has no idea how much more sad he is with the mask.

No more pikachu mask for you, little one. Early development is a bitch.

Miss Yvonne said...

I'm on board with "enormous" and "hard" but no thanks on the "hairy" part.

JAG said...

I just want her to unzip that hoodie a little bit. Just a few inches. Give that poor zipper a break.

I don't mean that in a pervy way. I just mean that I'm pretty sure that thing's about to pop open from the pressure of giant nerdboobs.

Jules said...

Wow. That's quite a hat....

HappyHourSue said...

I laughed equally as hard at your post and Miss Yvonne's comment.

And is that a freakish offshoot of those animal-costume sex people? I wish i didn't know about that, but I do.

Ed Adams said...

*Also because as My Mom used to say "The proof is in the pudding", and Man, did she get upset when I stuck my enormous, hard, hairy wang in her pudding!)*

This may be the best piece of incestuous visualization in the entire world.

Which would be both good and bad at the same time.

Kurt said...

@Ben: It's important to have dreams.

@miss.chief: Good call on the clarification.

@Dr. Zibbs: I like to think of it more as a "grab ass" hat.

@Soda: You want one. I can sense it.

@Becks: Are winter breasts different from summer ones? Are they like a coat you shed when it gets warm? Girls' bodies are scary. You guys have all kinds of shit going on that freaks me out.

@Miss Yvonne: Your Mom was on board.

@JAG: Yeah. That sweater is like a shaken can of Jolt©. Only with boobies instead of a delicious carbonated beverage inside.

@Jules: It's quite an adorable hat, you mean.

@HHSue: All I am saying,is give plush a chance. (*slide whistle*)

@Ed Adams: I'm trying to think of the worst incestuous visualization in the whole world now.

Dawn said...

De-lurking to say you're handsome enough that I'm gonna start stalking....your Mom. (Great post.)