Most people would look at me and say "Jesus, you're gorgeous." and although I am humble, I don't like causing fistfights so I would agree. And the other thing they might say is "What did you have for lunch today?" because they are interested in my well-being and want to see me live to be 100. Most days I can give a good answer like "Sex on wheat" or "Roast Beef with a side of your mom" but I forgot my lunch today and that's tragic like when a kid is 5 and thinks he's a warlock and his dumb neighbor tricks him into trying to fly of his roof, but guess what kid? You CAN'T fly and your neighbor is a dirty bitch out for herself, and she's gonna laugh so hard at you whilst your picking purple blossoms out of your hair that she's going to pee her pants. Life is full of tough lessons is my point, and not being a warlock is pretty much the toughest.
Another important lesson I learned is that Skittles©, the delicious fruit-flavored snack*, are almost exactly the same size as an 6mm M4 Screw, and both make almost the same clicky noise in your hand if you shake them. And it isn't until you're not paying attention and flip a handful into your mouth that you can tell which is which if you aren't looking. This is a pretty big discovery, I think. See because one is edible and no one will look at you like your a complete idiot if you toss them into your mouth, and the other will make people do that big eyes, head back jerk like they are turning into a chicken only starting with the muscle memory. And then it dawns on you that the flavor in your mouth isn't mouth-watering grape, or tangy cherry, but rather anodized aluminum and while the fat content is probably considerably less on a handful of screws, maybe not swallowing them is the best plan.
And then you have to spit out a handful of screws in front of the chicken people and you have to explain that you thought that they were Skittles© because you weren't paying attention and that why don't they just go somewhere and mind their own business, but they can't hear that admonishment and important reminder that we are all human and make mistakes because they are now laughing as hard as your asshole neighbor did on the tragic day you discovered you weren't really a warlock.
Exhibit B: A handful of less-delicious but roughly the same fucking size as a Skittle so why don't you just go get bent, M4 screws.
Moral: The Universe hates me. Being Handsome is a curse. I humped your mom.
*If anyone at Skittles© wants to work out some kind of restitution for this heinous crime, it would save me the trouble of suing them for Man's Cruelty to Man, or Animal Endangerment, or Rat-humping or whatever. I'd be a great spokesman because I could talk about how much more delicious their candy is than hardware. Call Me!