Thursday, October 1, 2009

Tech Update: Female Yoda Found. Likes Sex.

I haven't done a tech update in a really long time so maybe I'm a little rusty but shut up. It's not like you're paying for this. Here goes:

It turns out that if you are a Star Wars fan your day just got a little brighter because maybe you didn't know it, but there is a female whatever-Yoda-is, and her name is Yaddle and now you can go out to all the hottest nightspots with your pantheons of hip friends who you totally didn't meet in a chat room and walk up to a hot girl at the bar and say "Hey! Guess what! There is a female Yoda and her name is Yaddle. And you have nice cans." because if there's one things girls like it's to have their breasts objectified. Trust me. I read that in a scientific journal I think. And the cool thing about Yaddle is, I don't know anything about her, so I'm way cooler than I thought I was and that's a big win for the home team.

In darker, but related news they have just invented a Yaddle sex doll, so if you ever secretly dreamed of being a creepy guy who lives in a basement and masturbates into backward talking puppets, than you owe a wishing well somewhere two bits, because a dream is a wish that your heart makes especially when it comes to deviant, sad Sci-Fi playing with yourself. I'd post a picture but after I saw it, my eyes pretty much sued me for emancipation and I can't go laying anything that heavy on you. Let me describe...

Take a picture of Yoda.
Now think of Yoda wearing a dirty red-headed wig, like you might find on a dead prostitute at 6am.
Now think of someone duct-taping a pretend vagina to that picture of Yoda. Someone like your mom.
Now think of that pretend vagina being painted with green spray paint.
Now have sex with it.
Now go see a therapist.

Here's a picture of Yaddle with clothes on, for any of you non-freaks who just wonder what a dead hooker wig looks like and have never been to see the trunk of my car. If you want to see the other one, here's a link. But I declare diplomatic immunity if your eyes try to leap out of your head:

13 comments:

Ed Adams said...

She's HOT!

The Jules said...

That's nearly as much of a turn on as a shaved Ewok.

A lady Ewok, obviously. I'm not a pervert.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Clicked the link, I did. Scared and confused now, I am.

Spot said...

I'm so grossed out I don't even have a comment. Wait? What's in your trunk???

♥Spot

HappyHourSue said...

LMAO 'a dream is a wish your heart makes".

otherworldlyone said...

I've seen men go home from bars with worse.

Cynthia said...

That wig-wearing whatever-yoda-is thing has a definite come hither look in its eyes.

Ick.

King of New York Hacks said...

I'd do her. With my beer goggles on of course. lmao

razorsandvines said...

I'm disturbed now...

Prosy said...

I psyched myself up to look at that link, and then I was a little disappointed.

Fragrant Liar said...

Okay, what's this all about, hmmmm? You have a red-headed Yoda fetish?

mylittlebecky said...

tbe most disturbing part? i can't even figure out what's going on with her legs. where's the other one?

richard said...

I'm not sure what's most disturbing...your mind...the fact that you own a green, fake vagina...or your mom.