So I just went to the movies and saw Transporter 2 because of course I did, and Jason Statham rips his shirt off so much you'd think he was a drug-sniffing dog and his shirt was a Samsonite and his pectoral muscles where an 8-ball of Peyote or whatever. I don't know drug words because I believe in "Hugs not Drugs" and also "Fucks Not Sucks", but that is a less firm rule, and also "Bongs not Gongs" because who the Eff needs a gong? And also...
Okay. Ignore that part. I had to use the beginning of an old post I started because I'm on a limited time frame because when you pull the fire alarm at work it usually only takes the fire department like 6 minutes to respond, and then another 10 to sweep the building, and then another 3 minutes to decide it was a false alarm and the cops should maybe investigate. And by that time I better be standing outside with everyone else and making suspicious eyes at that one coworker I have who says "short-pants" instead of "shorts" every time and no she didn't just walk out of a Daguerreotype and I don't think she served on Queen Victoria's Royal court, but that shit has got to stop, which is why I'm giving her the hairy eyeball,yo.
And I don't know about you, but typing "hairy eyeball" gives me the willies, because what does that even mean? Like your eye fell out and it was rolling along the floor and you were bent over chasing it, all shuffle-walky and every time you go to pick it up you accidentally kick it and it rolls a little further, and when you pick it up it's all covered in dirt and dust bunnies and pubic hair, and then you try blow it off real quick and put it back in, but after that it never works right again, and it sees black as white and now you are racist against your own people until you learn a valuable life lesson, and then POOF! racist no more! Except against midgets because they are short not a different color so your eyeball sees them okay.
Okay. Gotta go. Here comes the firemen. Go read my article at Mama Pop and laugh and laugh and laugh. And then leave a literal comment, because Steamy is really onto something there.