Friday, October 9, 2009

Finger-Banging the Little Mermaid

I didn't have time to write anything for this blog today because maybe I had to fight off a thousand evil Sith lords or wrestle a T. Rex or write a post for Mama Pop, and one flash of brilliance a day is all I can muster because it's better to burn out than fade away sayeth the Lord or maybe that was Def Leppard back when they had 10 arms and I used to draw their logo in my social studies notebook instead of taking notes and it's totally their fault I think Canada is part of The North Pole and that the indigenous peoples of the deep South American Amazon are mind-controlled pygmy cannibal under the tyrannical control of a previously undiscovered species of monkey that I like to call "Hyper-Gorillas". Okay that's not Def Leppard's fault. I blame Styx for that one.

So, In long, I'm not actually writing anything today and I know you're disappointed but I have news for you, I'm not your Walt Disney World experience. I'm not going to give you a wake-up call from Goofy, or let you get a blow-jay from Ariel, or watch Snow White pound vegetables up her ass if that's your thing, because unlike Disney I believe in family values. I know my family's value because I tried to sell them to gypsies one time and I know 138 bucks sounds like a lot of jello shots, but I had to draw the line somewhere. Then the gypsies clubbed me and stole my wallet, but the joke is on them because I'm completely broke. HAHAHAHA! Take THAT gypsies!! Now where did I have that insurance card? I need to get all this head trauma looked at.

In conclusion, Your mom. Also, I'm sorry I didn't write today except for this and at Mama Pop, which you can go read if you want, but I've done better, so maybe just click over there and pretend to read it, and then come back and tell me it was LOL or WTF or OMFG or TWSS or whatever it is you people do in your spare time when you're not watching Minnie Mouse get double teamed by Pluto and The Absent-Minded Professor or whatever. LOL!!

Pervs.


Moral : I also got Nominated for Five Star Friday with this bit about Zombieland. That one is totally funny and if you don't get it than that's on your shoulders. (*disapproving glare*)

17 comments:

Spot said...

So I went over and read your review of Zombieland because I also went and saw it last weekend. And while, I think you might be off a little on your percentage of gore because there was a lot of blood and general grossness, your review was very good. It is definately a close second to Shaun of the Dead when looking at Zombie humor.

Now, I'm going to go have a twinkie, because I can.

♥Spot

Captain Dumbass said...

Ariel was hot. For an animated girl. Sure she was part fish, but there was just something about the way she filled that sea-shell bra...

Brandy Rose said...

I can't read you Zombieland post until I see it! You're trying to trick me!

Soda and Candy said...

You are so wrong and yet so right.

Ed Adams said...

Canada is NOT part of the North Pole?

Damn.

Then why does Santa always sign my Christmas cards..."Merry Christmas, eh!"

Mark Price said...

Sometimes my sentences run long. Now I dont care anymore. Thanks and have a great day!

miss. chief said...

joke's on you. i'm actually a christmas elf.

Miss Yvonne said...

Damn you write a lot for not writing anything!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I don't want to rain on your parade or anything, but just based on anatomy, finger banging Ariel's not going to happen, unless you want to completely debone her.

Wakka wakka.

Chelle said...

I can not read your zombieland review because I still haven't seen it and my heart is aching too much over it all.

mylittlebecky said...

this whole thing was disconcerting. the most disconcerting part? i snorted. in laughter. at least twice. you've made me into a sicko, you sicko.

Mona Lott said...

That's what he does, Becky.

I used to be Amish...

Nanodance said...

I got offered $147 for my family from the Gypsies. Just thought you would like to know how your family rates.

Sweet-Britches said...

Seriously. Woody Harrelson + zombies = greatest movie of all time.

Aria said...

Hang on, it's tough to type this comment while watching Sleeping Beauty do incredible things to three short fairy ladies which isn't hot until the prince shows up with his horse...

Prosy said...

I think Jasmine is way hotter than Ariel. And she probably has a lot of harem experience and knows kinky sex things.

otherworldlyone said...

Why don't gypsies offer to buy my effing family? I could really use $138. I'm looking them up in the book.