And then there was a woman at the Chinese restaurant I was at over the weekend who bought her son a t-shirt for his birthday because she asked everyone to not get him toys* but they didn't listen and bought him toys anyway(s), and isn't that just the way it goes HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! and the t-shirt she bought him was one that said "Lil Bruiser" and yep! That's Calin! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
And then I looked down at my General Tsao's Chicken and wondered who the Eff General Tsao even was, and what kind of military genius do you have to be to not have a brilliant military strategy named after you, or not have a monument in your honor for preventing the invading Hun armies from ravishing the people of [Chinese Word] Province, but instead you have a spicy chicken dish named after you. What did he conquer? Was he an a-hole and this is like a big joke all the cool generals played on him? I feel bad for General Tsao, is my point. But not as bad as I feel for Calin, who has a lifetime of neglect-related injuries in front of him because his mom is apparently part howler monkey. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think these people, who seem to be everywhere, are under the misguided belief that loud equals smart and I'd just like to point out that Einstein wasn't known for shouting his presumptions about the General Theory of Relativity out of a car window at people walking down the street and honking the horn and Neils Bohr was in the backseat pressing ham and barking laughter and Heisenberg didn't discover his groundbreaking 'Uncertainty Principle" and then walk around in circles making armpit farts and singing the theorem to the tune of "Oh Susannah". They all had quiet dignity and that's how you can tell I'm also a genius because my real name is Kurt Quiet Dignity [German Word] .
Except Sir Isaac Newton. That fucking guy never shut up.
*Any parent who tells people to not get their kid toys and to buy them clothes instead for their birthday ought to be dragged out into the street and forced to have a garage sale where all they can sell is old kids clothes and they have to diligently put "25 cents" stickers on each and every article because that's important and then there should be a sudden thuderstorm and they should get struck by lightning.