What happened today at work was then, using the same analogy, like field-amputating a million lepers and making them club each other to death with their own freshly cut-off limbs while a stadium full of mimes pretends to cheer and everyone who is vegetarian is force-fed hot dogs until their stomach linings burst. I am also not sure a war was ever fought like that, or where you would even get a million lepers anymore, or what size stadium you would need, but the point is.. Yucky! And what happened was this. A lady in her 50s who smells like my Dad's jacket used to after a night at the bowling alley, and smokes like a squillion cigarettes everyday and looks kinda like Jack Palance only more so, made a joke about needing to get "screwed" because the machine she was working on needed some hardware. And while all the other 50-somethings were dying of laughter because HEY! That was a fucking genius bit of comedy!, I was dying of sadness because I was thinking about making that same joke even as she said it, only in my mind mind it was witty and clever and everyone thought the new kid was a "charming rascal" now instead of an dirty old pervert who smells like the inside of a fire damage sale in a wig shop.
Which makes me wonder if people in their twenties hear me talking my humorous sexytalk** and think "EW! Like..Grody to the max!" or whatever they say now, because I am no longer a possibility for Effing because I'm older and decrepiter and sure maybe super-handsome, but still... I think about it and I wonder who would think I was funny and who would feel repulsed and then I remembered that it was exactly this sort of thinking that made me invent that survey last year that got me fired from my old job, because certain stuck up secretaries didn't like the question "If your anus had a G-spot would you let me find it for you (T or F)." And sure maybe we all think it's funny, but sexual harrassment is no laughing matter and if you don't believe me just ask all the plantiffs in my class-action lawsuit.
Heh. I said "action".
Moral: You are older and less funny than you think and even if you do think telling someone they have a loose vagina is funny, they might not and they might be carrying a taser and you should've probably covered your nuts.
*I spelled this the classy way so you would know it was in the good old days where there were no laws against having sex with animals but it was still totally frowned upon. Sort of.
**NO examples of this are forthcoming because you don't have to tell ME three times.