Another benefit to getting older is that now I'll be able to... yeah I got nothin'.
It was cool there for a minute though, right? Like you were all "Yeah? Oh great and powerful ageless wizard...Tell me what else is cool about being old!" I totally had you going... like getting older when you're over 35 doesn't just allow you another opportunity to reflect on what you had wanted to do with your life. HAHAHAHAHA!* I'm kidding of course. Lucky for me it was my dream as a young boy to be an unemployed hobo-lite who shared his life on the Internet. And don't give that "But Kurt, you roguishly handsome, young, virile genius...the Internet wasn't around back then."because I'll just shout "Quid Pro Quo!" at you and try to toss the Pop Rocks© I keep in the front of my robe into your eyes so I can make a fast getaway. And then you'll say "That guy? He's just a crazy old hermit." So nice job Uncle Owen. Way to crush my dreams.
Hattori Hanzo: Stop. Stop. Stop. You're doing it again. You're making yourself all the characters in the story at once. You can't be Ben Kenobi AND Luke Skywalker at the same time.
Me: Maybe YOU can't. I have the advantage of advanced age.
Hattori Hanzo: I'm pretty sure we're the same age, because I'm your imaginary friend.
Me: "Friend" is a bit of a stretch and also a little gay don't you think?
Hattori Hanzo: When are you expecting this wisdom to kick in?
Me: Any second now. I swear I can FEEL the force flowing through me.
Hattori Hanzo: Actually, you just peed down your leg.
Me: Stupid "getting old".
*This is slang that proves that I am young and gives me tons of street cred but I secretly suspect it is crazy-outdated because if old white men use it then guess what? Not cool. I might as well say "Oh Snap!" or "You Go Girl!"
**This is scary, wild-eyed laughter that makes everyone take a step back and pretty much means if you are close by you are about to get shot, exploded, or anthraxed. Just to be clear.
PS: As a sidenote, I got the invitation to my twenty year class reunion in the mail today. Thanks for the kick in the balls, Life. See if you get anything for Christmas (or Hannukah) this year! (I don't know if my life is Jewish or not.)