That was a great plan, Body! You're such an asshole, Body. If there was a bunch of kids crossing at a crosswalk in front of you, and you were late for work, you would honk your horn at them and the crossing guard would give you a horrified and very angry look and you would just roll your eyes and that little girl with the "Yo Gabba Gabba!" backpack would jump high in the air and maybe pee her pants a little. And My brain would be in the passenger seat and be all " Dude! Relax! What's the rush?" and you 'd be all "I have a big presentation on how to excrete at 9am." and that's just stupid because who would even want to attend that meeting? All the invitees would hit "accept" in Lotus Notes, but no one would show up. Because you're an asshole, Body.
I was going to post about how I wanted to sign up for the witness protection program but that was before my asshole body went rogue on me. Now I'm trying to remember all the side-splitting observations I was going to make but all I can think is "Why the Eff didn't I sleep last night? " so that part about how cool it would be to pick whether or not I got to have a mustache? Gone. And that bit about picking where I got to live and they would be all "Iowa or Nebraska?" and I'd be all "Screw you, Pigs! I want Pismo Beach like in that Bugs Bunny Cartoon where Bugs and Daffy have to deal with the Genie in Ali Baba's Hidden Cave and Daffy does that awesome soliloquy about all the treasure being his that goes 'It's mine you understand? All mine! Get back in there! Down! Down! Down! Go! Go! Go! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mwa-hahahaha!' " and then the Feds would just look at me and then look at each other and maybe one would scratch his balls and HAHAHAHA! that's funny. That's gone too.
I can't even think about that right now because I'm so tired and my brain is like that one kid who used to just roll around on the floor and make armpit farts to get the whole class to laugh instead of doing his construction paper Father's Day craft, and the teacher would be all "Brain, please return to your seat." and then my Brain wouldn't and then the teacher would beat it, because guess what? It's 1977, bitches! And that shit was still cool.
I'll stop now. Here's a cartoon as a peace offering: