Sunday, June 28, 2009

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

So Hi! Look at me! Posting on a Sunday! This is pretty much like opening a letter and a rainbow comes out and glitter shoots everywhere and Poof! now you have a sex slave! That's the best kind of letter to open and way better than all the certified ones I get saying "blah-blah-blah temporary insanity plea denied " or whatever. Another good kind of letter I don't get is the kind without big red dollars figures on them. Hey Utility Companies! I got an idea! Are you ready? Here it comes...

Go Eat Fuck!

Okay. So the reason for this super gracious Sunday morning post is that one of my articles for Mama Pop is being featured right there on the top of the page and it has a checky-line box around it so that it looks like a coupon, but it totally isn't so don't try and present it anywhere like the liquor store and say it's a "BOGO" because you think using slang for "buy one get one" is a good way to deceive them because they'll see right through that ruse and if you haven't read it, it's pretty much the funniest thing ever written and I'm not saying that to be brash and stuck up, but because I am honor-bound to always tell the truth even when it is embarrassing, like a Klingon or someone with the herpes. It's like that time I had to tell that guy that I thought his clothes made him look like a woman, even though I felt super bad for doing it and okay maybe I was pointing and laughing but that doesn't mean I didn't TOTALLY feel bad. Man, you'd think judges would have a better sense of humor because all they do all day is listen to people complain and I would think being funny would be a natural defense mechanism. That and drinking.

10 comments:

Captain Dumbass said...

I had a comment, but then my four year old called me to help him out in the bathroom and now I'm terrified of them demon that just came out of his ass. Do you know if the Catholic church still does exorcism?

Soda and Candy said...

*wiping glitter out of eyes*

that shit is pointy, son.

FrankandMary said...

temporary insanity plea denied

I get the feeling you are speaking from personal experience here.

Some guys want their clothes to scream: WOMAN.
Just a thought.~Mary

Char said...

yay for front pagey ness

*throws more glitter*

Brandy Rose said...

...maybe if you threw skittles at the judge...

Maggie May said...

congrats on the feature, glitter boy

Chelle said...

I like drinking AND being funny simultaneously. You'd be pretty amazed at how hilarious I can get after throwing back a few bottles of rum.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I wish I had read the whole post before clicking on the link, because I cut along the dotted line with an exacto blade and now my laptop screen has a big missing rectangle and guess what? No coupon. You were right.

Congratulations on the feature. And also, happy birthday to you. :-)

The Peach Tart said...

Congrats on the article publication. Cheers.

Anna Russell said...

Can I have your autograph? On this cheque?