Also Cocoa Pebbles are way better because they don't strafe the roof of your mouth so bad.
Also also, it's been 30 fucking years...how come nobody can catch that effing leprachaun from Lucky Charms©? I think there is black magic involved, because only a deal with Satan could keep that from happening. And don't try and give me that whole "They're magically delicious" argument because have you even tasted Lucky Charms©? Because apparently magic tastes like dehydrated, ass-flavored, cardboard with islands of pure artificially-colored sugar that totally cause cancer* and that's a crappy way to start your day and you know what parent buys that cereal for their kids? Mean ones, that's what. Because kids are all retards and they totally fall for commercials that say cereal is delicious when in fact it tastes awful and it's up to the parents to only buy delicious cereal unless they want their kids to grow up quick and grow up mean, so their fists get hard and their wits get keen. And really...are you even still reading this? Because why?
Dinosaurs, That's who.
* Scientific studies have linked artifically colored rainbow marshmallows to being a douchebag in later life and while that isn't cancer in the strictest sense, it is like a cancer to SOCIETY and I think we can all agree that we're all in this together, so we should prevent douchebagitis-type melonomas from spreading.
ps: Happy Saint Jean-Baptiste Day to my Canadian friends! Way to make up holidays! I think I'll go celebrate Barney the Drunk From The Simpsons Day by getting plowed on Brandy Alexanders.