So, in trying to pick the right social issue I had a bit of trouble because my first immediate thought was herpes, because it's fun to say and it's a funny disease that gives your mouth and/or wang and/or girl junk sores and it last forever so it's pretty much the Gandalf the White of diseases, and so I checked to see if anyone has ever died from it and it turns out it maybe killed a baby, a puppy, and an elephant. I don't know about you, but I'm super-fired up against herpes now, because what kind of disease only targets babies and puppies? An asshole disease, that's who.
I'm guessing the elephant was a fluke because if you put them all in silhouette on the Electric Company and sang the "One of these things is not like the other." song, only that one kid who sits in the corner and sings to himself all day and then gets explosively angry and starts swearing at nap time would pick the puppy*. Everyone else knows it's the elephant. But I don't know if the Electric Company ever did a "Killed by Herpes" song, so this is all conjecture. My point is "Herpes is Bad." and definitely a mean asshole and I sure am glad I don't have it, and maybe you're thinking "That's not a very selfless thing to say , Mr. I-Want-To-Win-An-Award." but I have to respectful disagree**, because if this handsome face gets the herpes, we all lose.
And then I thought about it some more, and I wondered if there were any social issues that went along with not having enough cupcakes or Skittles©, because that would be a project I could really get behind. But I don't mean for like starving kids or anything, because I bet sugar would really make them wound up and hard to deal with after everyone is so used to them just sitting around in the corner with flies on them all day. I'm more of a humanitarian than THAT. No, I was thinking maybe a "Cupcake across America" kind of charity where I go to every state and eat a delicious cupcake and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10 and then, when it's over I could waddle over to the podium and announce the winner. That maybe doesn't sound like a good charity to you at first, but think of all the people I would help know where to get the best cupcake. Also I'm going to think about what a delicious adventure that would be. Sponsors interested can contact me here.
Turns out that "One of These Things" song was on Sesame Street, but Eff them. Here's a song about dying (although not a "Killed by Herpes" song) from the Electric Company.
* This kid would also grow up to be super-handsome, and a genius, and sure maybe he's unemployed right now and taking expired cat antidepressants because he can't afford his co-pay, but guess what else? He still sings. He still sings...
**My methodology for respectfully disagreeing changes with each instance, but usually it involves a shovel and your head. Although sometimes it's one of those tiny gherkin pickles stuffed into your ear really far and then snapped off and you have to go to the hospital and explain why you have a pickle stuck in your ear. My point is, you've learned a valuable lesson