Monday, June 29, 2009

Random Bits

I don't have any good ideas to write about this morning but just knowing that's not enough to stop me ought to be enough to win me some kind of courage award, because I am totally smiling in the face of adversity and probably overcoming incredible odds like when a crippled person walks again or like when John Wayne Bobbit got his penis sewed back on! Zing! I'm so current and topical, I'm like the Wayne Newton of Pedophilia. Shit. That's twice today I couldn't think up a leader of a given field and just threw in the first name that came to mind. I'm like the Brett Favre of non-sensical not-field-leading references.

I had a dream that someone mailed me a ziplock bag filled with cereal and milk and when I woke the first thing I thought was "Wow! That'll make a great blog post!" because I am both delusional and cruel and that is an awesome combo. Just ask Hitler. And then, as I was trying to piece together what I would say about this dream another thought came to me and that thought was "How IS it that you are so handsome?" and that, my friends, is a great mystery.

I'm older today than I was yesterday and not like the rest of you, except Baldy...I mean I'm a year older and that makes me wiser for sure and the best birthday wish I got came from my BFF who totally thanked my father for ejaculating inside my Mom, and I think it is important to respect your elders and to always eat your vegetables and to Never Surrender like Corey Hart said.. and if you are too young to get that reference than that's okay because here comes the part where I pop and lock to the Spice Girls.

I also like birthdays because they afford me the opportunity to eat cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and that is awesome for helping me sleep because I seem to be able to slip right into those diabetic comas like nobody's business. Coming back out is a little harder, so I have the kids set a timer.

Go read my Mama Pop Article because every time someone clicks the link 20% of the ad revenue goes to blind orphans in Indonesia. HAAHHAHA! Get it! I'm just kidding. I don't care about blind orphans. I'm a hilarious prankster.


Mona Lott said...

Happy Birthday, Hilarious Prankster!

Vic said...

I wear my sunglasses at night.

More about the cake please. I'm cutting down on carbs these days, and it's like food porn. Concentrate on the frosting.

Oh yeah.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Setting a timer? Wow. All this time, it was so simple, so obvious.

Sorry, grandma.

Miss Yvonne said...

So I asked Hitler like you said to, and he was all "your mom pops and locks" and I was all "that doesn't make any sense" and he was all "your mom doesn't make any sense". Oh Hitler, you prankster!

Happy (diabetic coma inducing) Birthday!

The Peach Tart said...

Happy whatever the hell you want

Dana's Brain said...

Ha! I am younger then you!

Oh yeah, and Happy Birthday. Cake for all meals is my favorite diet.

Char said...

happy birthday - hope it's filled with many wonderful surprises because I'm all sweet like that.

Soda and Candy said...

Happy birthday, I hope you get all the blowjays you wished for from your girlfriend the pillow.

No really, I heart you, and I'm super jealous that you get to eat cake all day.

: )

miss. chief said...

happy barfday. get it?
hey, barfing up cake is actually quite delicious. i recommend it.

Cathy said...

Happy Birthday! Cake all day is the best part.