I had a dream that someone mailed me a ziplock bag filled with cereal and milk and when I woke the first thing I thought was "Wow! That'll make a great blog post!" because I am both delusional and cruel and that is an awesome combo. Just ask Hitler. And then, as I was trying to piece together what I would say about this dream another thought came to me and that thought was "How IS it that you are so handsome?" and that, my friends, is a great mystery.
I'm older today than I was yesterday and not like the rest of you, except Baldy...I mean I'm a year older and that makes me wiser for sure and the best birthday wish I got came from my BFF who totally thanked my father for ejaculating inside my Mom, and I think it is important to respect your elders and to always eat your vegetables and to Never Surrender like Corey Hart said.. and if you are too young to get that reference than that's okay because here comes the part where I pop and lock to the Spice Girls.
I also like birthdays because they afford me the opportunity to eat cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and that is awesome for helping me sleep because I seem to be able to slip right into those diabetic comas like nobody's business. Coming back out is a little harder, so I have the kids set a timer.
Go read my Mama Pop Article because every time someone clicks the link 20% of the ad revenue goes to blind orphans in Indonesia. HAAHHAHA! Get it! I'm just kidding. I don't care about blind orphans. I'm a hilarious prankster.