Thursday, June 18, 2009

P.M.S. (HAHAHAHA! Get it?)

I have decided to craft a Personal Mission Statement and you can tell I'm serious about it because I said "craft" and that means that I am a very serious professional who doesn't just write things. Also I like the idea of a mission statement because it sounds like I'll be going on missions like a spy or a ninja and that's always better than sitting around wondering what smells are, because that seems to be what I am doing with my days for the most part lately. I have become quiet the good investigator of smells though. I can walk through a room and be all "BO, old spaghettios, and a forgotten onion ring under the couch." and POW! that's what stinks in the room. It's kinda like tasting wine without all all the super-classy purposeful spitting. So here's my Personal Mission Statement:

I will try in every area of my life to be a better person. I will challenge myself daily. I will seek the exceptional and reject the mundane. I will surround myself only with those who will impact me positively. I will continuously attempt to make the world a better place. I will stand firm against injustices and tyranny. I will improve the lives of those around me on an ongoing basis.

That's sounds pretty impressive, but when I go back and read it, it makes me tired. The more I think about the ramifications the more I wonder if maybe I wasn't being too ambitious. Like trying to be a better person in every area of my life? What about excreting? I see no need to improve that process. I'm pretty much the Iron Chef of Defecation. I don't even know what that means...but still. And challenging myself daily? That seems tiring and like I'm all stuck up and can't just chill out with my homies and like I'm no longer just Kurty from the block, or whatever so that needs some work. I am already exceptional so I don't really need to seek it, and the mundane is kinda cool and also it's re-run time on tv so I kinda have to tolerate the mundane. I like the part about only surrounding myself with those who will impact me positively, but it needs a little spicing up. I can combine that part with the "world a better place" bit and the awesome injustices and tyranny part. Anyone who uses "tyranny" in their personal mission statement is pretty much the best person you've ever met.

I will try in every area of my life to be a better person except for pooping because I already rock the hizz-ouse at that and also eating Pop Tarts. I will challenge myself daily but not super-hard or anything because I don't think I'm better than anyone. Okay... that's a lie. I'm pretty sure I'm better than most people but in a kind way. Like I'll try and not treat you like an incompetant asshole all the time unless you piss me off. I will seek the exceptional recognize how awesome I am by flexing in the mirror every day and kissing my biceps and reject the mundane try not to watch too many old episodes of Baywatch© unless it's during the Pam Anderson years because her boobies flounce gloriously. I will surround myself only with those who will impact me positively other superheros and we will form a society of superbeings who will totally . I will continuously attempt to make the world a better place. And using my powers and genius intellect I will stand firm against injustices and tyranny unless they are perpetrated by the US because I'm pretty much the most Patriotic person ever except when they cancel good TV shows and then I'm all "Fuck America" but in a positive way. I will improve the lives of those around me on an ongoing basis unless they are being total d-bags and then I'll just point at my junk and give them the finger.

14 comments:

Michelle said...

So your good at pooping??

Kristine said...

Wait, does this mean we can't be friends anymore?

Prosy said...

i could live off the line "boobies flounce gloriously" for like a week

Miss Yvonne said...

Do you need to cleanse your nose palate after you've smelled something before you can correctly identify the next smell? I would imagine you would want to sniff a sheet of fabric softener or some bleach. Wait, maybe not bleach. Unless you want to get high and pass out. In which case, go for it.

Lana said...

i'm pretty sure the overactive sense of smell means you're pregnant.

MoonBloggy said...

lol... I wanna be like you when i grow up

Nikki said...

If you only surround yourself with good people and superheroes I'm out of the mix unless catching cheerios moving at 100 mph is a super power. Or flashing people who say bitch. Or showing people pictures of funny boobs. Hell who am I kidding I'm practiacally superwoman.

Mona Lott said...

It's a good thing you've got the pooping down, cause I hear the training to become a better pooper is quite rigorous and exhausting, and wouldn't leave you nearly enough time for all the bicep kissing and boob flouncing. And that would just be criminal and probably ruin everything.

My West Coast Wedding said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

Did you really use "flounce" regarding Pam Anderson's silicone fun bags?
*shakes head and backs out of blog*

Soda and Candy said...

Uh-huh. Making PMS jokes huh?

*narrows eyes*

*crams chocolate into mouth, weeps for no reason*

Vic said...

Yo, Kurty from the block!
(Does your superhero outfit sag?)

I am so inspired now. I need a personal mission statement. Cheese will be integral, I think.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

You rock the hizz-ouse at pooping, do you? Is that right?

I do believe that sounds like a challenge. It feels like I've been slapped once on each cheek, duel-style. Only you used a roll of toilet paper instead of gloves. And it was the ass cheeks, not the face ones. And I might have pulled down my pants and bent over and asked for it, but whatever. Details.

HappyHourSue said...

#1, I kept reading "tyranny" as 'tranny" so I was all "why so intolerant, Kurt?'

and #2 I will be up all night wondering what that removed comment said.