The other good thing about having sick kids in the house is I get phone calls from the school, asking why they didn't show up today and this is a perfect chance to practice my evasiveness techniques. And I think it is very important to answer questions with questions because that's what psychologists do to figure out why you're 36 and still wetting the bed and crying whenever Blue's Clues comes on, or at least that's what my friend, Mike says. Yeah...Mike. Heh. Crazy bed-pissing Mike. That's what we call him. Also I like to throw in movie catchphrases to help the caller feel topical and relevant. I'm pretty much the perfect phone interviewer. And when they ask why The Girl isn't in school I usually yell "Quid Pro Quo!" at them and then run the phone up and down the zipper of my hoodie a few times. And then I shout "These aren't the droids you're looking for!" or "Wolverines!" and then I hang up. And then I look over at the couch and The Girl is holding up the "8" card. So I know I've done well.
Well I have to keep this short because I have to supervise all the chores she's doing because if I don't then I'll find her curled up in a ball and crying on the floor and no paint ever got scraped like that, I can assure you. And also I need a nap because I just dozed off and had a dream where my school nurse tried to be friendly to a Deceptacon© and got her ass shot so that's a sure sign that this post needs to end before more hapless, under-paid school functionaries get shot by evil robots. I swear that was never my intention. I just want a car that can talk to me and solve crimes. Is that too much to ask?
*I never even thought about how Prosy has a craziness named after her but I think we can all agree that makes perfect sense.
** I should have said "spoiler" but I didn't because everyone else always says they saw that twist coming a mile away, but I totally didn't and I'm angry that my Genius Detective School training failed me that time. Also that time when I was trying to hide from the police by dressing in drag. That only works in the movies and it is totally possible to get tasered through aWonderbra© in case you were wondering.