Where was I?
Right. The best thing about me. Well I'd like to get deeper than just my ravishing ...
Hattori Hanzo: What are you doing?
Me: I'm writing about the best thing about me.
Hattori Hanzo: ... Seriously.
Me: I know, right? It's like the riddle of the Sphinx.
Hattori Hanzo: No. It's not. The greatest thing about you is that you're a jackass who doesn't know when to shut up.
Me: That wasn't even ON the list I had made up!
Hattori Hanzo: Let me see that.
Me: Don't crinkle it...historians may want that someday. Or maybe a documentary filmmaker.
Hattori Hanzo: "Can beat up a shark even after it bites one of my hands off"?
Me: That was more of a "In theory" characteristic.
Hattori Hanzo: "Can totally turn women on by saying the word 'oligarchy' and winking provocatively."? That was a fluke. And besides, let's see you wink provocatively.
Me: (*winks provocatively*)
Hattori Hanzo: Yeah. That's what I thought. It looks like your expecting someone to throw you a fish and then you'll clap your flippers or play a tune with your nose on the carefully set up rack of horns in front of you or something.
Me: Nuh-uh. That was super-provocative. Maybe you missed it. (*winks provocatively*)
Hattori Hanzo: No,no. I saw it. Drool a little less maybe and don't roll your eyes back.
Me: That's what makes it sexy, duh.
Hattori Hanzo: "Can turn into a half-bat / half-yeti hybrid and solve crimes."?
Me: What? I can!
Hattori Hanzo: That was a dream you had last night.
Me: No, it wasn't! Those Alpine hikers were so glad to see me they gave me a jar full of their frozen-off toes!
Hattori Hanzo: That was pretend. I can't read any more of these.
Me: See?! There's too many awesome things about me! How will I ever pick?
Hattori Hanzo: You'll think of something.
Me: (*winks provocatively*) Your Mom thinks of something!
Hattori Hanzo: I don't think it's necessary to point at your crotch and then spin around 3 times either, when you wink provocatively.
Me: You're not the boss of me! Diplomatic Immunity!!
UPDATE: Hey remember that hysterical Article I wrote about Genghis Khan on Mama Pop? No? That's because you're a dink and didn't read it yet. Here's the link. Dink.