But I digress...and I'm never sure what "digress" even means and for a long time I thought it meant to flex your biceps at someone, so I would say "But I digress..." and then I would flex and kiss my biceps and then usually try to do some Irish dancing real quick because the person I was talking to would look all confused. And nothing cures confusion faster than Irish dancing. Except what I did wasn't really Irish dancing because I found out later Irish Dancing doesn't involve lassos and saying "Hi-YA!" and then punching people in the throat and then running away.
But I digress...
So I didn't sleep last night and I'm not sure why because I don't have any worries really, and if I need to, I can hide in my pillow fort all day in case the landlord tries to stop by and also I set that trap for him in case he gets too nosy about where his rent money is. The trap is ingenious. It's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a rat trap. I've seen enough cartoons to know that it is going to work for sure. And the other trap I have for him is that Whoosh! I'm going to jail for assault when he falls for the first trap. Jail = No rent! Take that fascist!
And then I have this elaborate fantasy where the cops are dragging me out in handcuffs and he is standing in the doorway as I am pulled past with this sad look on his face and his hand covered in peanut butter and broken fingers. And the cops stop so he can say a clever catch phrase at me like the greatest actor of our generation, David Caruso, on CSI:Miami, would do. Only my landlord is smart enough to think of a catch-phrase so I jump in with "You've been de-Kaffa-nated!" which doesn't make sense because I am not an oppressed, black South African in 1989 and he is not a member of the ruling Apartheid party, but I have to assume he's seen Lethal Weapon 2 because you know who hasn't seen that movie? Socialists. And obviously he's not a socialist because he was trying to take either my rent money or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as a form of payment, that capitalist swine.
I wish I could pay rent in sandwiches. That would be awesome.