Okay, that last one didn't happen for sure, because if I turned into the Hulk every time I got angry I would undoubtedly turn every time I went to the grocery store and that bitchy lady who restocks the comic books came by and was all "Hey! You have to buy those! You can't sit in here and read comics all day!" And then maybe I would be reading a Hulk comic, and that would be super-ironic because Look out, Bitchy Lady! Here comes my jolly green foot up your ass. That would be way better than my usual response which is to throw a handful of Kool-aid dust into her eyes so she is temporarily blinded and then run away whilst yelling over my shoulder "Cry your Sharkleberry Fin© tears! I cannot be stopped!" And then I usually trip over the mozzerella cheese endcap because I'm too busy yelling over my shoulder to watch where I'm going and the police and the ambulance have to get involved.
Okay, my list for this week:
Charlie's Angels 2: Full Throttle - This was on TV yesterday while I was cleaning and I hated it so much that I would stop at random intervals and say "I fucking hate you." to my TV set, and now it probably has a complex but guess what? If I showed up at your house, climbed up on your dinner table and took a dump and then started rolling around in it and touching myself, I would understand if YOU said "I fucking hate you." I would understand that it's only business and nothing personal.
Geodes - My BFFF sent me a box of rocks in the mail and that pretty much makes her awesome on like 10 different levels, but included in the box was a bunch of Geodes and sure those are super pretty and cool but I cracked them open hoping to find a power crystal that would unlock my mind-control abilities or maybe some other superpower, but no matter how hard I try I can't get the Hillbilly next door to commit suicide or even keep his box of duck off his porch for one day. So Eff you, Geodes for not having mind-control crystals inside.
Dust - I have special company coming next weekend and no it's not Child Protective Services, so don't get all stuck up and be all "La-Di-Dah! You can't beat your kids with a tennis racket for eating all the ice cream and expect to get away with it! Where are my monocle and top hat?" because I SO can expect to get away with that, because my kids know how to keep their goddamn mouths shut*. And dust is on my list because dusting sucks and it seems like everywhere I look things are out of focus because of the thin grey haze covering them and HAHAHAHA! Am I right? Dusting sucks?! Hey look...I'm blogging about housework! Fucking shoot me. I hate you, Dust.
*I don't endorse beating your kids**. Because then they grow up and seek revenge. Psychological abuse is way better.
**I mean...I don't endorse beating ANY kids. Not just yours. I would never beat your kids... that would be weird. If I just showed up at your house and started beating your kids? You'd be all "Hey! Very Handsome Stranger! Why are you beating my kids with a tennis racket?" And then you'd get Kool-Aid© in the eyes and you would understand my pain. Not really. You'd probably just want to kick my ass. But look out! I'm wily.