And If you are me, it means I just wrote a new article on Mama Pop, and sure maybe we've talked about Mega-Shark Vs. Giant Octopus on here before, but I thought maybe you needed a reminder because you keep leaving your retainer on your plate after dinner and I swear to Christ if I throw it out, you are digging through the garbage for it, just like in every after school special you've ever seen, except I won't be the supportive parent digging along with you, I'll be the asshole parent yelling "Get your fucking hands dirty, Princess!" while I drink cheap dime store hooch. I have no idea what "cheap dime store hooch" even is, but it sounds appropriately hobo, and there meets my needs as a visualization.
Seriously. Go read it. I'm hysterical. Ask anyone.
Here. Watch the Chicken Dance from Arrested Development. If you have never seen the show I don't wish you were dead. But just maybe hit by a bus. But a small bus. I mean... not full of handicapped kids or anything...that would be traumatic for them. Like the little shuttle bus that takes Seniors to Bingo. And it wouldn't hit you hard, just hard enough to break your legs. And Hey! Maybe while your in the hospital you could catch up on Arrested Development! It was the greatest show ever and that's a scientific fact.