Love is everywhere this time of year and that is the real reason for this post, because I'd like to take issue with that shit. I mean, I wake up and the birds are chirping and it smells like tree blossoms so even the plants are humping each other and when I walk past the canal, and totally don't think about throwing myself into the cold water gaining a needed release from this life of
So the asshole ducks are looking cute, and even bugs are holding hands probably and when I go to the grocery store, silently hoping my tires were squashing a million young ants in love on the way, I park and before I can turn the car off this young couple comes out and they are holding hands. And I know what you are thinking. You're thinking "Kurt. You are so awesome." , but please try and stay focused because even though that is true I'm trying to tell a story.
And then the couple does some romantic stuff like RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY CAR! And I'm not talking about sensual boob honking or super-deep frenching all over my life, I mean like tiny kisses where their lips just brush each others and then they lean back and look in each others eyes and their hearts probably flutter and somewhere a puppy is born, and I have to quick put up the big cardboard thing that covers my windshield so my car doesn't get too hot and it says "Honk if you Smurf!" and has Papa Smurf taking Smurfette from behind over the sink in a dirty bus terminal bathroom.
Okay, maybe I made that part up and just ducked down low in my seat and tried to cover my eyes with my hand, but I can still see and now he is walking her to her car and his hand is on her back guiding her gently and protecting her from highwaymen or whatever and they take like six steps between each kiss, and it's so obvious they are stupid-in-love, and that's just awesome, so I take my hand away and allow myself to enjoy the loviness of it all, and birds are chirping and probably the sun has a big smiley face on it and white gloves that it is waving back and forth in a weird little sun dance, and the flowers are singing songs and in the olden days they would say everything is "happy and gay" but no one says that anymore, because gay has come to mean "anal sex" in the minds of people who don't know what they are talking about, and if everything was "happy and anal sex" that would be one weird happy cartoon song with singing flowers.
And I am not jealous, if that's what you're thinking, because I have tons of love in my life, because of your mom and also Come here, Pillow. I didn't mean it.