Wait...no...I'm just remembering the plot to Real Genius, so I'm pretty much way off track once again.
All this talk about 20 years ago and geniuses naturally made me think of Bronson Pinchot. I don't know. Don't look at me like that. I'm not driving this brain. It's like that drunk friend who sits in the passenger seat and starts fucking around with the radio and you're all "Knock it off, Brain!" but it just laughs and burps real loud and then grabs the steering wheel unexpectedly and you swerve all over the road and wonder why the hell you are even friends with this asshole anyway(s) and then you get the car under control but now you're thinking about Bronson Pinchot. That's my brain. It's a complete dick sometimes. But once it sobers up it usually says it's sorry or throws up comically, so I have to forgive it.
So I'm wondering what the hell Bronson Pinchot has been up to because the last thing I remember him in was The Langoliers as Craig Toomey and that was an awful movie, so I went to IMDB and...you can do this yourself... you don't have to take my word for it... I mean if you are calling me a liar. Which I don't recommend because I have a furious scissor kick to the throat waiting for someone if you do. And that someone might just be you, or more likely that box of stale Frosted Flakes that no one ever eats but lives in my cupboard anyway(s).
Where was I?
Bronson Pinchot has done a lot of voice-over work for cartoons if you were wondering, and also he was in something called " Slappy and the Stinkers" where he played Roy and that's an awesome thing to have on your resume so I looked it up on YouTube and it's like The Goonies only with a sea lion instead of the big Mongoloid guy, and looks like the hilarious adventure of a lifetime because the trailer has a lot of people slipping and falling and a bunch of stupid kids screaming and an adorable sea lion named Slappy, and they use the word "stinkers" like 150 times in the 2 minute segment because HAHAHAHA! "Stinkers" is funny. And now my brain is less from having watched it, and then I think about how I never really used that 2.0 GPA to leverage my genius so I'm frustrated and then I went into the kitchen and scissor-kicked the shit out of some bitch-ass Frosted Flakes so now I feel all better.
Here is what happened to Balki*:
*Balki WAS in True Romance so that is his saving grace because that's the coolest movie ever and if you don't agree with me then guess what? Scissor-kick.
PS: My New Mama Pop article can be read here, if you don't check it every Monday like I wrote in the manifesto. Jeez, what good is it having a manifesto if no one reads it.