So in France today it's 'Poisson d'Avril', because when they changed either from or to* the Gregorian calendar, New Year's Day went from April First to January First and this pissed off a bunch of stupid Freedom people so they decided to mail each other fish because they couldn't get their heads around just...you know...coping. And nothing says "I can't handle changes to my calendar, so fuck you" like a mailbox full of fish and if I lived in France I would totally scissor-kick anyone who tried to put anything of than military awards in my mailbox. Although if I was Freedom I wouldn't probably get so many of those. (zing!)
I hate April Fool's Day because after I've successfully played elaborate tricks on my whole family, they try and get revenge and it is stupid revenge like shouting "Hey Dad! Your car is on fire!" and then I roll my eyes in my mind and do a whole big pantomime of freaking out and I jump up and shout "What?! Where?" and then I pretend to look outside and they shout "April Fool's!" and I'm all "Heh. Shucks. Guess you got me!" but in my mind I'm thinking "These kids think I'm an idiot, because how would I ever even fall for that unless I was seriously developmentally disabled." and then I realize I DID just pretend to fall for that, so I am in fact reinforcing the stereotype that I should be riding "The Cute Bus" as The Girl calls it. And I'm pretty sure that means I'm being racist against myself or something.
The only reason I even pretend to fall for it, is that I keep hoping that if I do, I won't have to endure any more of these little play-acting moments. But as soon as I sit down, it's all "Hey Dad! OH EM GEE**! A Bear!" and I take a deep breath and this time it comes out "what. where." and I don't bother to get up but just sorta crane my neck because I know it doesn't matter, He just wants to play another April Fool's day joke on his moron father. And then he's all "April Fool's!" and I am tempted to tell him not to pick on the handicapped but I know that won't matter either because I'm still going to have to pretend to fall for these motherfuckers like 50 more times before the bus comes. So April Fool's Day to me is pretty much "Pretend to be Retarded" day.
Maybe the fish-box solution was better, come to think of it.
PS: I just played the best trick ever! I jumped up and screamed "I hate you little fuckers! You've ruined my life, stolen my youth, and I wish you were never born!" and then as they stood there in shocked silence I said "April Fool's!" and I blew one of those toy horns with the roll-out paper tube like from a birthday party and threw a handful of glitter and confetti in their faces. ***
*I'm sure these facts are available on-line but I like my blog to be like a "Choose-Your-Own Adventure" but instead of turning to page 56 and being trapped in a dungeon by Injun Joe "The End" , you just either have your facts right or don't.
** The on-going and repeated usage of IM acronyms as real words has led me to trying to find a nice Pakistani loom-works that would be willing to purchase two slightly used American children. All I'm saying is they better start speaking properly because $21,875.45 American is a lot of money.
*** This didn't really happen. I never shouted "April Fool's!" I shouted "Boo-ya!".