Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Turns Out Sex is NOT a Pirate

So "Sex On Fire" is on the radio only I don't know that yet because the station I usually listen to bleeps out the "sex" part for some unknown reason, like maybe they are too frightened to think about geniticular* conflagration on a serious level like the rest of us, or maybe sex organs make them cry or whatever. Anyway(s), I have no idea the song is called that, because I know it as "that mumble is a pirate" song, which totally kicks ass as far as song names go and if you think I'm the best song name figurer-outer in the world than join the fuckin' club.

So I'm singing along about how Mumble is a pirate but than for some reason they are playing the unedited copy and I'm all "Whoa! To the Extreme!" like I was Johnny Utah in a Mountain Dew commercial and then the bodies start hitting the floor and then I do a super-jump on my BMX and a guitar wails. But really all that happened is I heard the "sex" part so now I think the song is called "My Sex is a Pirate" and if you thought Mumble was a good name for a pirate then HOLD ON TIGHT! because "Sex" is even better. And then I thought about what it might mean for my sex to be a pirate and I wasn't sure if they meant like my penis or the act or maybe someone else's vagina and it's confusing when your having sex and you know something in here is a fucking pirate but your not sure what so you end up always looking over your shoulder for someone to be sneaking up behind you to slit your throat. Or to steal your boat and you're not even sure what the "boat" is but in a sexual encounter it's not good to have anything stolen except maybe for innocence.

And then the DJ announced the song was called "Sex on Fire" and there were no pirates and no mumbles and I was all "Sex on Fire? That's a stupid name for a song." and then I ordered a another latte and the guy at the window was thinking 'Not this handsome guy again!", I'm guessing. From now on I'm singing "Your Sex is a Pirate"when I hear that song because I'm an outsider, but not Ponyboy© for obvious reasons.

The End.

Note: This is your sex. Not a Pirate.

*totally a word. If you take the time to look it up then you've wasted so much time that I could throw up. You're just going to have to trust me on this one.


Michelle said...

Ummm WHAT?? HUH?? AND I love you!!

Have a good night Ponyboy!!!

sour said...

geniticular-can you please use this in a quote from the larry king show?
why yes, i can
CALLER: "Yeah, hi Larry, hi Sundar, I was just wondering if Sundar could tell us what the worst thing that happened to him was?"

LARRY KING: "Worst thing? I'm thinking something with electricity?" SUNDAR KEFFALA: "No, Larry. It wasn't like that."

LARRY KING: "The geniticular region?"

SUNDAR KEFFALA: "I was forced to eat a sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast biscuit from McDonald's."
that's from http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1282/is_22_57/ai_n16359607
you're welcome

Extraordinarily Ordinary said...

Here in god-forsaken Oklahoma, the reddest state in the U.S., we bleep out everything. Which kinda makes the radio not so much fun as you can probably imagine. However, their choices of bleeping are comical. They bleep out the word hell. HELL! We all know how often they mention it every week during those Southern Baptist conventions. But they can certainly play "You spin my head right round, right round... when you go down, when you go down, down" with absolutely no censoring. That's much better. Especially for all those little sexually repressed church-goers.

I do realize that wasn't the point of your blog, but a girl needs to vent sometimes.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Sure it is. The Horrible Captain Sexbeard of the Pacific?

I'm glad you wrote "The End" this time, because usually i keep reading all the way through the comments and down to my keyboard and keep going to my lap and then up my chest. It's nice to have a reminder of when the words end.

Vic said...

"Mumble" makes me think of a pirate with no teeth, and then Sex with no teeth, and suddenly this post is back to hobo(e)s again.

Chelle said...

There is totally a cream for that.

Mona Lott said...

It's going to be all your fault when later, in the throws of passion, instead of hollering for salvation or whatever, I call out, "SEX IS A PIRATE!" but I won't tell him that... I might even throw in a "yar!" One never knows.

TrodoMcCracken said...

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon is one of my favorite songs. After watching the musical video and listening to the lyrics I'm pretty sure it's about Syphillis. I think that gives you a raging case of rampant fire crotch.