And no this isn't about Watchmen. This is about a film that tries to reach beyond the lofty goals of the Zach Snyder directed superhero opus, and instead takes us on a magical journey to the stars... Where a Mega-Shark is locked in epic battle with a giant octopus.
Now I know what your thinking. Is that Deborah Gibson as in "I always imagined her in a three-way with Tiffany" Deborah Gibson? The answer is, of course, "Yes" because this movie has so much awesome in it that I want to make sweet love to it until the sun comes up. I want to awkwardly slow dance with this movie to "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner and I will totally do the white-guy, shuffling, box-step with my arms out straight, so that my hands are only barely touching the movie's hips and I will look over its shoulders instead of into its eyes and it will know how nervous I am because it can feel me trembling a little, especially when Lou Graham hits the really high notes and the chorus is being sung and it will think I'm adorable as I accidentily step on it's shoes for the hundredth time. THAT'S how much I love this movie. We are totally pre-engaged.
The very nature of the film has set the scientific community reeling. I called my friend at Los Alamos and I asked him "Mega-Shark or Giant Octopus" and he said "Is this the same guy who keeps calling and yelling 'I know about Area 51!' and then hanging up?" so obviously the government is trying to keep a lid on who they think will win, because the Russians are probably developing a movie called "Titan Bear versus Mutant Wolf" and they have to hedge their bets. The only way this movie would be any greater is if it had a better name which seems impossible until you remember:
I think I speak for all citizens of the world when I say "Thank You, Hollywood! Thanks from the bottom of our hearts." and then I do that double chest-beating fist pump and end it with a kiss blown on the tips of a peace sign. Because I know how to show appreciation.
UPDATE: Further research* has shown that while Mega-Shark would appear to be the easy victor, Giant Octopus would rally late and outwit the 20-ton death machine.
*"Further research" was me and The Boy pretending in the front yard whilst waiting for the bus. He was Giant Octopus and I was Mega-Shark, and I didn't even know that Giant Octopi had a "recharge station" and that it looks like our garbage bin, and when they touch it, it heals them completely AND gives them underwater laser missiles, which I ALSO didn't know even existed so I was stupid for even picking this fight, and that's pretty much endgame for Mega-Shark.