What the room really needs is something to tie it all together. Some kind of ornamentation that will increase the Chai in here and I thought that was bullshit too but it turns out that by manipulating the Chai Tea** , or the ancient art of putting your furniture in places to make mystical energy flow correctly, you can get a total River of Power© going, so I set up all my furniture up in the shape of a fort and I've been sitting in here all day waiting for my mystical superpowers to arrive, but so far all it did was give me a place to hide when that nosey landlord stopped by to collect the rent for last month, and so what if it's the 25th. I'm not the one that made him skip the background check. So I go to ebay because that's where the internet that isn't porn lives and here's the auction I found:
No matter where I go the eyes follow me and also everywhere I look it's raining women! Wait...no... that's just rain.That's right. You can buy an actual mounted velociraptor head, and I don't know what time-traveling genius came up with that idea but all I can say is Bravo! to you, Sir***. You are pretty much Earth's last line of defense against aliens now so don't let your conquest of the dinoplanet make you stuck up, because we need you man. All I can say about the head is that this is pretty much guaranteed to make panties evaporate and bras go flying up in the air like fireworks and if this thing doesn't get me that perfect stripper-gourmet-chef-trophy wife that I ordered, nothing will. Except maybe another $19.75 because that guy from Nigeria said if I sent him my life savings plus $19.75 he could get me the hottest mail-order bride I've ever seen which is a very bold statement because I've seen a bunch and after he fourth time you've ended up tied to the bed with your wallet missing, you learn a few things about both mail order brides and the human condition. Namely I'm going to need to cancel those credit cards
* I totally know all about Jahooba's time here on earth and how he walked around planting apple trees all over America because I just dreamed about it and if you think that wasn't a vision I'd like to point out that in my vision, Jahooba is a cute blond chic who is wearing pajamas and wants to be in a tickle-fight with me. That's pretty much divine intervention.
**Chai Tea is a very powerful technique and at first I thought it sounded hokey but then I did a bunch of scissor kicks and had another Red Bull and now I swear I can feel the enegy in this room.
*** Or Madam. But I didn't want to say "Madam" up top because what if you accidently thought I as talking about the queen prostitute? I would feel terrible but only in that you had seen through my ruse.