Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Stupid Captcha©


I hate Captchas©. They pretty much tell me that the only way you care about what I'm thinking is if I solve an impossible puzzle using only  my wits and my fingers. I mean once in a while you get a funny one that says something remotely dirty and then you can snicker and think you're clever because you include it in your comment and then the author is all "Oh Kurt! You're so observant!" and then they make a big deal out of it and then you pretend to be embarrassed but really you're very pleased with yourself and then the doorbell rings and it's your landlord and he still wants to talk about the rent that's late, and you just wish he could understand how brilliant you are, especially at noticing Captchas© that are semi-dirty.  And then you hide in the pile of dirty jeans in the corner, because he might actually come in this time.

My Captchas© lately seem to be getting harder. Like, at first, they were all "oblige" and "butterfly" but lately they've been crazy like "frightenstein" and "30,000,000-" and I look at that number and I try to remember if it's million or billion and I say each zero as I type it so I don't lose count, but then I do anyway(s), and I'm all "Eff. Three. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero.... EFF!" and it seems like an awful lot of work just to make a stupid fart joke, so instead I enjoy some delicious Pringles© brand potato crisps, which are totally available in a variety of mouth-watering flavors and I know Once I Pop, I Can't Stop©*, and then I go back to sitting on the couch and scratching myself absent-mindedly. Because I'm gritty and real! Like NYPD Blue.

I think Captchas©  are undermining our core internet values of porn, spam, robots, and Japanese Tentacle-sex, and furthermore if I get one more that makes me put an "@" in,  my comment will just be "Fuck You." Only I won't type it, I'll say it... to my goldfish and he'll be all confused because normally I treat him nice when I remember to feed him and if he suddenly feels unloved it's because YOU had to make Captchas© enabled on your blog just to be mean.

I wash my hands of this whole affair. Except for the Pringles©, because they are finger-lickin' good©**




* Pringles people: Call me. We'll do lunch. I mean we'll eat it...not fuck it. What kind of an asshole do you think I am? Like I'm so desperate that I have to have sex with this succulent Roast Beef and Swiss on Rye? Like you could do better! This sandwich is a LADY, not some slut from Pringle-town! What? Oh yeah...call me.

**This is totally a KFC© slogan so they can call me too if they like, I'll work for biscuits.



PS: I know this is three posts in one day and that is a lot, but Nikki threw off my napping time-table by tagging me, so it was this or more Japanese Tentacle Porn.

19 comments:

Char said...

ahhh, yeah - that's why I took them off my blog. it was slowing up the funny.

Kurt said...

@Char: You are naturally funny. Nothing could slow you down.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

The answer to the above question: 42

This blog makes me SO hungry for Pringles brand corn chips! I want to go buy some right away!

(I got your back, man.)

Kurt said...

@SMU, Kid: Corn...Potato... same thing.

Thanks a lot. (*rolls eyes*)

Maelstrom said...

Your shit's broken. I didn't know the answer and I reloaded the page like 10 fucking times and it kept giving me the same question so I gave up. Thanks for making me a quitter.

Kurt said...

@Maelstrom: DO or DO NOT there is no "try".

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think they made a corn chip at one point. I dunno, it's been like 15 years since I bought chips. I mean...As an avid buyer of potato chips, this blog makes me hungry for Pringles brand potato chips! Betcha bite a chip!!

Better?

Brandy Rose said...

I agree with SMU Kid, I so gotta find a ride to the store for some freakin pringles now.

Prosy said...

I had to google 'captcha' to really figure out what it was, with more pictures and stuff, and then I was all like, oooh, ok, I didn't know that had a name. It was like the day I found out what an 'avatar' was. Before that I just called it a 'little picture box.'
Personally, I don't understand the point of a captcha. I would be flattered if a computer wanted to comment on my blog.

Anna Russell said...

I've been making out less and less of them lately (which is not the same as making out with which is a whole other story) and I'm worried this means I'm turing into a robot.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I feel that captchas are passive-aggressive.

Kurt said...

@SMU, Kid: It's selling out age old ideals about chip buying for one's friends that makes a person a true hero. Madam...your cape.

@Brandy Rose: This endorsement deal is MINE!!

@Prosy: They totally leave the dirtiest comments so that's like a bonus.

@Anna Russell: I'm just going to sit here and think about you making out with a robot for a while, okay?

@Mandy: They totally are.

TishTash said...

Look, you. You can't just put up math like that with no warning. You want my head to explode?

Kurt said...

@TishTash: Just because I'm saying I'm sorry doesn't mean I'm liable for any cranial damage or in any forth-coming lawsuits.

Brown-Eyed Girl said...

I think I might like the way your brain works so I'm going to follow you for a while...and see if you either irritate or piss me off in the next while.

Happy Wednesday.

Kurt said...

@Brown-Eyed Girl: I'd say I have a reasonable chance at either, but what the hell...roll the dice.

Brown-Eyed Girl said...

*rolls 'em*

Jake Hammell said...

Tentacle porn or writing? The obvious decision is tentaclely delicious.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Shit I go away for a morning and you have two posts I havent read? I am such a slacker.