So now I need a new sponsor so I'm shopping around and I keep getting these weird commercial / promotional links from Axe© body spray where if you click the link it takes you to a moving Maxim Magazine and apparently if you use this product it makes your cock smell like maple syrup or maybe shoes, judging by the way the women are all flocking around the Axe© man. So maybe this could be my new sponsor. I have my hesitations because I personally think Axe© sounds too much like Ass© and I don't even know what kind of man would pay money to spray himself with ass smell, because I just sorta thought that was our default smell. It would be like using your money to invest in currency in another denomination. Anyways, I guess the ladies like ass-smell, although none I've ever met seem particularly fond of it, but hey Maxim magazine has never steered me wrong. This one time they did this hysterical article about COLON Cleansing and it was SO funny. Because of the poop. HAHAHAHAHAHA!*
So I go out and I buy a thing of Axe© to see if maybe I can't whore it up a bit. And the scent I bought was Slammin' Extreme!!© or Extreme Slam!© or BMX Jump!© or something and I sprayed it on and it sorta reminded me of the time I was in Boy Scouts and we accidentally started a pile of tires on fire. And by "accidentally" I mean "completely on purpose" and the fire company had to come and we were severely dealt with for almost setting the whole world on fire. Anyway(s) Axe© smelled like both the burning tires and the gut-wrenching shame we had to endure. And also no girls in lingerie showed up and made sexy surprise faces at me, so I figure I must have gotten a broken one, and I'm going to go back tomorrow and pick up the "Wicked Slammin!!" scent and see if that is any better.
Fuck Pringles©. I smell like hot garbage now.
*If you've ever read anything from a Maxim magazine you probably have contracted herpes all over your good taste and you should probably get a shot or de-loused or whatever, but seriously... learn a lesson from this.