Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Questioning the Answers: Week Three

So I posed a question to Yahoo Answers© last week about what was the best way to avoid Flamingoitis and strangely no one had a good answer so I guess if you live in Florida near the Flamingo capital it's pretty much guaranteed. Here's the number 1 answer:


And he was a bird rapist who has totally been caught before and knows what kind of time I'd be looking at if I wanted to have sex with a flamingo, and that's really messed up, but what am I going to do, because obviously the whole world thinks this is the right answer and also that I am a flamingo diddler or a "Diddleringo" and that's not cool at all. Fuck you, world.

Several other people chimed in, but they didn't really have anything else to contribute like how I can avoid getting caught having sex with birds. Here's what they said:

"Ms. Bell" is obviously off her nut. She loves flamingos too and wants to have sex with them probably and what the hell kind of crazy have I stirred up with this innocuous question anyways, she then goes on to tell me where I can live in Florida to be nearer to them so I can start a whole rape-colony I guess and now I wish I'd asked something less perverted, but how was I to know?

"Sugar Baby" is a psychotic who thinks I'm trying to turn into a flamingo and then writes a little bit about looking up "flamingoitis" but she's being all cutesy like "Flamingos are Adorable!" and I want to punch her right between her big anime eyes for not taking my pretend question seriously. 

Okay. Moving on... I decided since if you talk about animals all you get is perverts, I'd ask a question about having sex with animals and get all the pretense out of the way:


We shall see...

19 comments:

Prosy said...

its called carpilingus, i think. i didn't realize until i looked again that you had put "i think its anglophiles but i'm not sure."

thanks a lot for making me snort out loud at work.

TishTash said...

Umm...mermaids?

TrodoMcCracken said...

Seriously, Kurt, I may not be the one to judge what with my vast knowledge of monkey tree sex and animals you shouldn't have sex with, but I'm totally judging.

Also, I think the term is "showafishyoupenisologist"

Mandy's Kidding said...

Fish are very sexy animals. Everyone knows this.

Signed,

Mandy Fish

Nikki said...

I totally want to know what your Y!A name is so I can stalk you there too. Only makes sense to stalk you everywhere you go on the web. Go big or go home!

Anna Russell said...

I'm so answering your questions on there. Or am I? Yes, I am. Maybe. But maybe not.

You'll never know, Kurt. You'll never know.

Frank said...

Every time I try to search the topic, I keep getting job openings at the San Diego Zoo. I think Prosy is closest but the spelling is Carpalangus, and the “g” is silent.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think I saw a porn movie once where Don Knotts had sex with a cartoon fish. It probably wasn't real though because he didn't ejaculate into the girl fish's mouth like I've learned fish do. If I were a cartoon fish in a porn the boy fish would probably squirt fish jizz in my eye, that's just my kind of luck. (Sitcom noise: Wa.wahhhh)

Now I'm reading Mandy's cute sexy comment above, and I wish I sounded more like a pixie temptress and less like a phone sex operator on peyote. (Again: Wa.wahhh)

Maelstrom said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru
Please read the section "Attacks on people"

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

People who have sex with fish are called Deboners.

*wink*

Regards,

Becky Fish

(Nailed it!...what? no?)

Kurt said...

@Prosy: That was my favorite part too. Snorting is my gift to you.

@Tish Tash: I think a mermaid having sex with a fish is like my neighbor having sex with his dog.

@Trodo: You knowledge of sex with animals is encyclopedic and if I really ever have a question about it, I would turn to you first, and then probably a therapist. But totally in that order...

@Mandy: You're such a "hooker". (*Ba-dump-bump CHHH!*)

@Nikki: I'm Vin Cognito over there, but I post everything I do there here, so that ought to save you some time stalking-wise.

@Anna Russell: I'll have to start asking questions that will flush you out like "Why do you love being a subjugate of the Queen so much?" or "Does this kilt make me look fat?"

@Frank: San Diego is rife with Anglophiles I guess.

@SMU. Kid: Hahaha! I wish all my phone sex operators would be on Peyote. Then they wouldn't always start their routines "Thank you for calling Time-Warner Cable..." and end them with threatening to call the police.

@Maelstrom: No. I flatly refuse to follow that link. I've heard of Candiru before.

@SMU,Kid: Bahahahaha! Home run! "Deboners" she says...like with cock....hahahaha.

Vic said...

I've got no fish sex jokes because Steam MUK has won the gold, and also did I mention I'm really tired? If a throw in a bad pun, will you let me off the hook?

Sorry. It had to be done.

Kurt said...

@Vic: No. It really didn't. But I forgive you because we are now partners in the Interpretive Canoeing with Cartoon Characters Classic.

Nikki said...

I never roam out of the RHH section anyways. People scare me. Especially people in P&S. Does knowing those abb make me weird?

Anna Russell said...

Nikki, just don't tell him who I am on there. I want to make him wonder. It's part of my evil plan (it's a plan with no end or purpose, but a plan none the less).

Kurt said...

@Nikki: You're talking in a code. It probably is something sexual, because whenever I don't understand what a woman is saying to me I think it's sexual. Like at the drive-thru when the speaker is broken. Those chicks want it Baaaad.

Kurt said...

@Anna Russell: I'm totally going to figure it out and then look out, but not really because I don't have anything planned after that part.

Star Kicker said...

Slimy.

At least after the fact.

Kurt said...

@Star Kicker: Okay, Miss Literal.