My number of visits and page views has been through the roof for the last few days, so naturally I decided that my genius was finally being appreciated and not taken for granted like it was the other day on the bus when the driver was all "Please sit down,sir...I know where the liquor store is and could you please tie up your robe?" That guy was a jerk, but my readers are geniuses and they keep coming back for more and that's what SHE said. Hahahhaahaha.
So naturally I started preparing for all the award ceremonies and interviews I would be doing soon and a good portion of my day was spent practicing my "natural laugh" as I am amused by some recollection by Matt Lauer of something I wrote that was so amazing and clever that it made womens' panties leap off of them, and then I got to work on spending all the money I will be making in ad revenue, and that's right, if you thought that there was no way a suave, sophisticated,genius, rapscallion like me would go corporate, then you forgot that I am a pirate by nature, and it's pretty much my destiny to rob from the rich and give to the me. But I will never forget my loyal readers and with the proper incentive I will totally mention you when I collect my first round of Oscars. I'll be all "...and thanks to all my loyal readers (*pause for "natural laugh"*) without whom I wouldn't be where I am today, flying into the Academy awards on a hovercraft powered by robots having sex, unless you believe in fate, in which case I was destined to be here, so screw them."
It was about this time I checked Google Analytics© and saw that all the hits were coming from one blog in particular, the one about the pooping dog and then I delved further and saw it was really just a world-wide rush of hits on that image of CatDog that I posted, and had nothing at all to do with my writing. And that made me wonder if there was some kind of CatDog related news item that I was unaware of, because why the sudden interest in a 10 year-old Nickelodeon cartoon that wasn't even funny unless you tried to imagine him pooping and he was made by the same people who did that "Angry Beavers" cartoon which was equally unfunny in it's writing, but 10x as funny because of "Angry Beavers". And then I thought maybe a real life cat-dog was born somewhere and that would be a conflicted animal who would be growling and hissing pretty much all the time when it wasn't shitting out of it's own mouths.
And then I decided that I needed a nap and maybe a Pop-Tart© because I'm like Neo and I need to keep the world between the Matrix and reality in balance*. Your welcome.
* You may not understand how a nap and a Pop-Tart keeps the fragile cloak of an artificial reality pulled safely over the horror of the real world but that's okay because all you need to know is that a handsome genius has your back, yo.**
**My "yo"-ing to boost my street cred is working fantastically because the other day I saw a minority on the street and when I handed him my wallet and begged for my life he thanked me very sincerely, and then insisted he wasn't a mugger, and then gave it back and then went back into the Pizza shop where he worked, and if Italian isn't a minority then how come they have their own special kind of bread?
PS: If you think I'm only reposting that picture of CatDog to increase the number of hits to this blog artificially than I am shocked and horrified at that allegation, and what are you? Part super-detective?