Of course I don't actually feel like getting along with everyone. So here's my list for the week:
1) Giant Octopi- My on-going pretend battle with the Giant Octopus took a terrible turn this week as it was decided that the giant octopus was much faster than the Mega-shark because, and I'm quoting an 8 year old here "Gertrude Ederle only had TWO arms and she swam super-fast and I have eight, so I can swim the English Channel in like 3 minutes." and I was all "Who is Gertrude Ederle?" And then he punched me in the throat. Fucking sneaky giant octopus. Also he did a song and dance number with a cane. Diaboliqué.
2)Aliens Vs. Monsters - This movie is coming out and apparently Bank of America is using $25 million of its bailout dollars to pay for coupons to upgrade their card holders from 2D to 3D viewings. Now I'm no scientist but I think we all know the "D" stands for "dinosaurs" and BOA using federal bailout money to buy people extra dinosaurs is just wrong. Also, I'm not an economist either, but look at this profile. It's like I'm a greek statue.
I made this myself as evidence to how kick-ass 3D is. Your Witness.
3) Hobo Rights Violations - I don't know how I became the spokesman for hoboes, surely there is another unwashed, unshaven, unemployed person in a bathrobe who coould stick up for them. Maybe it's because I married one. Either way, I am now responsible for securing equal rights for transients. and I'm not sure what rights they want, like maybe the right to hop a freight train, or the Right to Bear a Bundle on a Stick..you'll have to bear with me, I skipped through the Hobo Rights class at Genius Detective School because the professor thought I was so ravishing, but I think maybe the best way would be to institute a BJ-for-Thunderbird exchange program. I know. It's hard to believe anyone is this smart. I'm pretty much the Unicef of Transient Fellacio.
4) My children - They were sick all last week and were totally contaminating me and needing attention and one of them threw up backwards, meaning they sat on the toilet seat and puked on their feet and they were all moangy and whiney and frankly who has time to listen to every little complaint about bleeding out of the eyes or whatever. Jesus, if I wanted this much responsibility I would have just gotten a cat.
5)Burmese Pythons - The South is pretty much infested with them all the sudden and even as we speak they are spreading out across the country and planning on eating our economy and I haven't read the latest scientific data but I'm pretty sure they are bulletproof and can hypnotize people because I saw a documentary on it. Oh no wait... that was Disney's© Robin Hood. Look at this map. It tells it like it is. This map is that friend who always tells you exactly what you're doing wrong and how to fix it and while you admire them for their forthrightedness and gumption you pretty much can't stand them and hope they get run over by a bus full of self-righteousness.