Friday, March 20, 2009

I'm Pretty Much the Next Micheal Jackson (of Pedophilia)

Okay. So meanwhile, I'm totally running a fever and then I get this message that says I'm famous and I didn't even know I was up for an award but I'm pretty sure it's the most prestigious thing I've ever done except for maybe that one time when I totally did three gravity bong hits in a row, while I was in college and I didn't actually get an award for that, I just ended up throwing up a lot and getting laughed at, so yeah this is even better than that. 

The site is called Five Star Fridays and TWO of the blogs that everyone reading this may have read and thought "Pfft." are totally being recognized as genuis works of fine art and by putting the link in I totally expect you all to go there and be all frothy and sweaty about how wonderful I am or you can count me out of helping you move or catching that pesky cartoon skunk that keeps sneaking into your house and trying to fuck your cat or whatever.  Also there is an award if you go there ,and that award is one of you will be my BFFFF or my Best Fucking Friend For Friday because I just met you probably and maybe there's something wrong with you or you won't like the way I do my dishes or something and then you'll get all passive-aggressive and I'll get moody and spend all my time with my other internet friends and you'll be all "I don't even KNOW you anymore." Why do you have to be like that? Why?

Also, starting Monday, I will have a regular column on this awesome site called Mama Pop and it is pretty much a brilliant mecca of superheros where you can go and bask in all manner of internet gossip and breezy light-hearted swearing about life in general but no porn because they are super-classy and yeah they asked me to write for them, what's your point? Like you're so great. With your fancy cars and sexy beastiality stashes under the stairs. Well La-dee-da, Your Highness. 

Anyway(s) they asked me to join them and at first I thought it was a wrong number or a hilarious practical joke, but then I realized I wasn't on the phone and was never in a fraternity so maybe not. Look for my post on Monday at 11am. And then subscribe and maybe I'll post more stuff, assuming they haven't run me out of the country or anything. The other writers over there are awesome too and funny and if you think I'm only saying this because they are probably reading this then I don't know where you get your delusions from laser-brain. Hey what's that over there! 

(*runs away*)

PS: Thanks to Sweetney for nominating me and Inviting me to write for her awesome site and for pimping me out on twitter and pretty much being my agent except she doesn't even get 10%, but if she was here I'd let her have one of my Pop-Tarts. Okay, half...but still.

PPS: Also Thanks to whoever nominated THE OTHER blog to Five Star Fridays. I'm guessing it was probably Batman because they have done the right thing for the world with quiet, unassuming dignity. Which is the best thing about me too!!

PPPS: This fever is awesome because I have no idea what I just wrote but I can only assume it was great because look at all the awards I'm winning. I must make this look easy. Whoops! Blacked out for a minute there! 

27 comments:

BaltimoreGal said...

Excellent!

Lea said...

I'm not surprised you've been asked to post on those sites, you're pretty funny actually, where my blog is more depressing than anything... lately at least. Trying to find the humor in a pile of shit is just not my forte...

I would however make a suggestion. Before going to the store again, you may want to trim up your stubble so as not to be mistaken again for a pedophile or a homeless bum drooling over someones grocery cart! Just saying.

Nikki said...

I'm so jealous only I'm not really because I know losers stick together and I am totally not a loser. Take that!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Even though you're blowin up, you'll always be the pedophile next door to me.

I'm not surprised about any of it at all.

Kurt said...

@BaltimoreGal: I know, right? Thank God everyone's standards are slipping.

@Lea: HAHAHA! I'll have to be sure and do that! LOL!!

@Nikki:Well, I guess you told me.

@SMU, Kid: (*wiping tear and then singing*) CUZ She belieeeveees in meeeee!!!

Captain Dumbass said...

Anybody that would willingly share half a Pop-Tart is obviously super human in some way. You're totally the Mother Teresa of pedophilia.

sour said...

my eyes hurt and it's because this page is too blue.
as in sad.
as in i want an award. so shut up.

Carolyn Online said...

I don't think anyone keeps sexy beastiality stashes under the stairs. That's where the gimps live.

Maggie May said...

Congratulations wackadoo!! :))

Origami Momi said...

RAD! Though... Does this mean I'm going to have to open ANOTHER fucking account? *SIGH*

To quote Iggy Pop, "HUURRAAAAY SUCCESS!" :D

Kurt said...

@Sour: Your award is just knowing me.

@Carolyn: Keeping gimps under the stairs is sooo 1992.

@Maggie May: Thanks, Badonkadonk!

@Infinity Cocks: Look at YOU with your fancy account! That only took two years! Hooray!

Mona Lott said...

Bwahahahahaha! And then I changed my name 30 seconds after opening:p Oy.

Kurt said...

@Mona: Heh. Love the new name. Although you'll always be "Infinity Cocks" in my heart.

Mona Lott said...

Aaaaaaawwe, aren't you sweet! In mine too, truth be told;D She attracted some uncomfortable attention though... (OH THE HUMANITY!)

Prosy said...

WOW, you got nominated twice- you beat the Bloggess! You are probably going to get contacted now to sell handcream.

Anna Russell said...

Ok, so you've got nearly double the amount of followers I do, you're all invited to other sites and getting nominations and now I have to hate you. I mean, in that way I still quite like you and good for you, you totally deserve it, blah blah blah. But I hate you.

Kurt said...

@Prosy: For the amount that I use, you would think so.

@Anna Russell: I like our Love/Hate relationship. It's like being married only you live overseas and I can pretend you're in a sexy coma if you ever annoy me. I added the "sexy" part so you wouldn't think I was being mean.

Soda and Candy said...

I went & kissed your ass over there, what do I get?

; )
S&C

Miss Yvonne said...

Wow, how awesome for you! I've got awesome things happening too, just so you know. I totally got 11 comments the other day and only one of them was my own. So yeah, big day for both of us.

Kurt said...

@Soda: You get the BFFFF! Award! Just don't get too close or say anything to me because I'm spazzy and I don't need another lawsuit.

@Miss Yvonne:Every one SHOULD be reading you and if they aren't then I hate them.

Char said...

congrats - it couldn't happen to a better guy

Soda and Candy said...

Yessssssssssss. So we're Blog Friends Forevs right? As long as we don't have to actually be friends?

Nice.

Vic said...

Totally hate you too.
First you're all racing up on the followers, like any second you're going to pass me up and then suddenly you'll have like a thousand overnight, and you'll start wearing extra bling with your robe, and it'll be like I never knew you, you'll be all Vic? Vic? Doesn't ring a bell, sorry.

I'm not surprised either. You're awesome, and hilarious too. Congrats!!

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Thats great Kurt. It was only a matter of time before your brilliance was reconized! : )

Michelle said...

BOO YAH!!!!!!!!!

That means congratulations in Swahili!! OR some such shit!!!

I am a little confused though - no surprise there right??? Ok, so don't say RIGHT!!!! Just nod your depression head and smile.

So somebody actually nominates you over there on that friday site? Then what?? You just get more followers??? What is the actual prize??? MONEY???

Please fill me in!!!

YOUR A ROCK STAR!!!!

Star Kicker said...

Congrats! I'm delighted that I was one of the first ten who "discovered" you. I will be bragging to my children.

sweetney said...

Dammit, why didn't I ask for that 10%?!! heh.

It's adorable the way you call a post a "blog." It makes me want to pinch you on the cheek and shit.

You rule. I like to support things that rule. It makes me feel not-so-awful about the overwhelming amount of general suckage floating around out there in the world. So I guess... I should be thanking you?

\m/ xo