Friday, April 3, 2009

Apologies in Advance

I'm looking back and forth between the chocolate chip cookies and the Eggos™ and trying to decide which one is breakfast and which one is a delicious treat you can eat at breakfast time if you aren't particular "locked in" when it comes to what society views as an acceptable breakfast. And I'm pretty sure I remember something in the news about eating cookies in the morning as a cure for cancer and who am I to give my kids cancer? A fiend? No. No I'm not a fiend so cookies it is. Also cookies are thicker in the middle than Eggos™ and don't have all that factory-made waffle texture that is probably loaded with MSG and rat droppings because it was made in a factory, and I remember "The Jungle" from eighth grade social studies, and then I remember that I made up that whole thing about cancer and the kids will probably not come down with it if I give them Eggos™, so now I'm back at square one.

You know how sometimes you start reading something and then by the middle you're like "Fuck my life!" and you want to strangle someone because the post sucks but you have to read the whole thing in case it gets good? This is not that blog. This post pretty much sucks all the way to it's tiptoes and it is horribly precocious only not in the good way, but rather in the "I'm going to fucking punch this kid" way and if I were you I'd demand my money back because what the hell did you ever do that was so bad that it makes it okay to steal hours of your life? And that is a good point, sir. So instead of having your time be wasted, here is a video of a hamster in a wok. I think we came all agree that this is the best way to resolve our differences, because "The More You Know" and "Knowledge is Power!" and "Reading is Fun-damental!" or whatever. Don't blame me. I'm going back to bed.



further proof that everything is better to "Yakety Sax"


24 comments:

That Baldy Fella said...

I got asked the question "What music would be playing as you walk into a room if you had your own theme tune?"

I wanted it to be epic and sweeping and terrifying like what an evil supergenius would have - something like Carmina Burana. I reckon it would actually be the Laurel and Hardy theme, though. I am now wishing I'd said Yakety Sax....

Dana's Brain said...

Damn. I can't watch Yakety Sax at work.

I will always vote for cookies. But if I'm really going all out, cake for breakfast is the best. Good cancer fighting ingredients in cake.

Anna Russell said...

I have no idea what Eggos are, so I vote cookies. Or stir-fried hamster, that could work.

(also, I did read your last blog post about the Blogger's Choice thingy, but for some reason blogger wouldn't "process my request" when I tried to comment, so just to let you know, congrats and I have voted for you).

Kat said...

I just sat there and laughed for the entire 1:01 of the hamster in the wok video. That has got to be a classic. Thanks for that.

Belle said...

I voted for cookies and you.

Soda and Candy said...

Look at his lil legs go! Teehee!

I hope they disinfect the shit out of that wok after he trod his little poops into it.

Miss Yvonne said...

I didn't see your comment right below the video at first, so I was all "I'm totally going to say 'everything is better with yakety sax'" and then I saw your comment and was all "well shit" and now I don't have anything witty to say except "wok and roll, baby!" and let's face it, that's really not all that funny.

Walter said...

Oh man, that hamster in a wok is the shit. But not as much as cookies for breakfast. Snd no, they don't cure cancer, but they do help prevent against obesity and type 2 diabetes. Both facts.

Lara said...

Um, hello? Smash up the cookies and put them on top of the Eggos then *bam* you're father of the year. Do it. DO IT!

Prosy said...

Anna Russell, you DON'T KNOW WHAT EGGOS ARE? Srsly? They are frozen waffles and come in many different flavors and can be ready in seconds, and then you can say, "Leggo my Eggo©" when someone tries to steal your waffle in a mission-impossible-esque way.

As for my breakfast foods- yesterday I had a chocolate chocolate chip muffin which was so chocolatish it was really a freakin' cupcake. Even though the box seriously said 'muffin' so I ate it for my breakfast dessert and felt virtuous.

Michelle said...

1) Voted for Hattori Hanzo!
2) Cookies - chocolate chip
3) Video - Love it!!

HAPPY DAY!!!!

I'm Nate's Mom said...

God, that felt just like my life . . . except for the part where he poops and steps in it . . . and then falls in it, but keeps on going.

Nikki said...

I never want to punch you in the face except on Sunday and sometimes Mondays too. While we're at it go ahead and add Tue Wed and Thurs to that list.

Stir Fried hamster is a delicacy.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

"Fuck my life!" is what that hamster is saying.

Char said...

ummmm, yeah

Random Chick said...

Everything IS better to "Yakety Sax," even eating cookies for breakfast.

Kurt said...

@Baldy: Anytime I go into a bank Yakety Sax should play.

@Dana: Cake is also a reasonable breakfast food

@Anna Russell: Silly uncorrupted by rampant commercialism Scot! they are fake waffles that go in the toaster. They taste like cardboard a little but syrup fixes everything. I even tried pouring Aunt Jemima on my dead Grandma once.

@Kat: It is genius in the small things.

@Belle: Aw. Thanks, Belle.

@Soda: I had Chinese for dinner last night. Don't think that didn't cross my mind

@Miss Yvonne: Shoulda stuck with "well shit" , maybe. :)

@Walter: I like thinking my cookies are giant diabetes pills. I'm medicating the fuck out of myself!

@Lara: You should get the Nobel Prize for Breakfast for this idea.

@Prosy: The greatest trick the Devil ever played was making us think a muffin wasn't a cupcake.

@Michelle: Thanks for the vote!

@Nate's Mom: Bwa-ha-ha. Awesome.

@NIkki: I totally deserve it too.

@SMU, Kid: That's exactly what he's saying. That and "I should have bought better shoes."

@Char: That's what SHE said!

@Random Chick: It's a scientific fact. You can probably find it on that Periodic Table of Almonds or whatever it's called.

Brown-Eyed Girl said...

I had Girl Guide cookies for breakfast.

Poor mousie has had quite the hard time. Even his tail is gone.

sour said...

that poor lil guy is gonna have a teflon coated heart attack to the yakkety sax song

Captain Dumbass said...

A little hoisin and some rice noodles and you've got some hamster dim sum.

Brian said...

Is anybody besides me perplexed as to why you don't see commercials for Eggos anymore?

Sherendipity said...

Hamsters have it so easy. They can cram all the food they want into their mouths and take a shit while running fifty hamster legs an hour without even batting an eye.

Chelle said...

Huh.. It turns out that anything in a wok DOES look delicious. I need to make a phone call.

Just LD said...

I forgot about how my hamster used to poop in the hamster ball...hours of fun.