"Uh. It's $2.37?"
"I know.", I say speaking in a friendly yet smug conversational tone, " I just don't want any more pennies. See...This way I just get the dime and the nickel back." I offer him a condescending smirk, just to drive my point home.
I have waited my whole life to explain that to a cashier. For one moment I am not an unemployed writer of stupid blogs but a wizard of finance bending the very fabric of the economy with my grasp of how change works. That's right fuckers! I am so smart I don't even get back pennies! I should have been working on Wall Street like THIS WHOLE TIME!! He's still standing there looking dumb and humbled by this obvious bit of schooling I have just housed him with. And when he speaks his voice wavers a little. Surely he sees the heated glow of victory in my eyes. The strong set of accomplishment in my jaw. I can't wait to hear what he has to add to this transaction. HAHAHAHHAHAAHA!!
"Um. I understand that Sir...but this is a Loony. We don't take Canadian money."