Friday, February 27, 2009

Reader Spotlight: Anna Russell

So last week I wrote about Trodo McCracken and then she goes and totally wins an illustrious award, which I can't take all the credit for, but I do anyway(s) and I promised Anna Russell I would spotlight her this week and since I am a brave and courageous knight looking to stand as the lone bastion against the rising tide of evil, I will keep my word. And also because the only other blog I could think to write involved more anus talk, and I think one a day is enough*. Also, I looked at the moon last night and Trodo still hasn't drawn a wang on it, so she's pretty much a villian.

Anna Russell was born in Scotland in 1270, as a Scottish knight and landowner who is known for leading a resistance during the Wars of Scottish Independence and is regarded as a patriot and national hero.[1]

Along with Andrew Moray, she defeated an English army at Stirling, and became Guardian of Scotland, serving until her defeat at the Battle of Falkirk. After several years in hiding, Wallace Anna Russell was eventually found and captured in Robroyston near Glasgow and handed over to Edward I of England ("Longshanks").


Hattori Hanso: Wait, wait, wait... you can't do that.
Me: Do what?
Hattori Hanso: You can't cut and paste the Wikipedia entry for 'William Wallace" and call it a "Reader Spotlight"
Me: Well, I really don't know much about her but 'Braveheart' kicked ass even if Mel Gibson is a dink. 
Hattori Hanzo: I'm not debating the awesomeness of 'Braveheart', it just that...
Me: Good. Because it was awesome.
Hattori Hanzo: That's been established.
Me: I like the part where they painted their faces and mooned the English. That was funny and poignant.
Hattori Hanzo: This is the dumbest Reader Spotlight I've ever read.
Me: Ooo! And when the English guy is all "Prima Nocte!" and Mel Gibson is all "Uh-uh, filthy English pig!" and then...
Hattori Hanzo: Okay. Look . We'll watch Braveheart tonight. Just say something nice about Anna. She's been a loyal reader and she's very funny and stealing William Wallace's biography is not doing her justice.
Me: Fine.

Anna Russell is a creature alleged to inhabit Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands. She is similar to other supposed lake monsters in Scotland and elsewhere, though her description varies from one account to the next. Popular interest and belief in the animal how awesome her blog is. has fluctuated since it was brought to the world's attention in 2008. Evidence of its existence is largely anecdotal, with minimal and much disputed photographic material and sonar readings. The scientific community regards the Loch Ness Monster Anna Russell as a modern-day myth because she's so kind and funny and likes the word "cunt" a bunch, and explains sightings as a mix of hoaxes and wishful thinking. Despite this, it remains one of the most famous examples of cryptozoology.

Hattori Hanzo: I give up.
Me: What?


ps: Anna Russell IS very kind and funny and has a great blog and says "cunt" a lot and hates Dan Brown and if that doesn't make someone eligible for an Oscar, I don't know what does. Go subscribe to her now or else I'll send a man in a kilt over to your house to stand in the corner and just stare at you while you eat dinner. And that will be awkward and uncomfortable to say the least. And that man will be ME!! Also if anyone else wants to be immortalized in genius just let me know.


*I'm totally going to write the other anus blog later. 

34 comments:

Anna Russell said...

Ha!

*blushes*

They sell cuddly toys of me in tourist shops you know.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to paint my face and moon at some English people.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think a man in a kilt staring at me while I eat is kind of hot. Is that weird? I also love how Americans have no concept of Scotland aside from William Wallace and Nessy. (Oh, and Mike Myers' dad in So I Married an Axe Murderer...that was good stuff.)

Love,
Your Most Loyalest Reader Ever
*bats eyelashes*
*twirls hair*
*flashes a boob*

Kurt said...

@Anna: I had to go back and fix this because it claimed you say "twat" a bunch, when you don't and I am nothing if not a stickler for accuracy.

Kurt said...

@SMU, Kid: Boob = NEXT!!

I could have mentioned Mike Myers' horrible impersonations but I didn't because I try to keep it classy in my blogs

Prosy said...

You know what else is awesome about Scotland? Those longhaired cows.

Anna Russell said...

Although, twat is an awesome word so I totally don't mind taking the credit for saying it a lot. In fact, I'm going to start saying it a lot.

Steam Me Up - you so totally understand men. Also, men in kilts are hot, whatever they're doing. And they really don't wear anything under them.

Kurt said...

@Prosy: Also, bagpipes and tartan plaid!!

@Anna Russell:I like boobs. Shoot me. Also, I like when twat is pronounced so that it rhymes with "cat" not "not". I mean...if you're going to be shouting it and all.

Brandy Rose said...

Kurt in a kilt. I must have pictures!

Anna is AWESOME, if simply just because she uses words like cunt and twat.

SMU Kid- Boob!

Kurt said...

@Brandy: I have pictures of me in a kilt somewhere. No joke. I could dig them up, or I could just continue to lay on the bed and eat cookies. Guess which one is going to win?

Nikki said...

I also think kilts are sexy. I feel the need to ask every man I see wearing a kilt to please prove to me that they do not wear anything under them. Plus "a guy who wears underwear under his kilt is nothing more than a woman wearing a dress." I stole that from some obscure comedian and I can't remember his name but this is me citing him as a reference.

Kurt said...

@Nikki: You understand my accuracy requirements all too well. Although I would have said "I heard this one comedian say this, or maybe it was a friend of mine, or maybe I'm making it up."

Nikki said...

@Kurt: That is only because your mind speaks to me. Even though I specifically told it not to, but this is beside the point.

Brandy Rose said...

Kurt, I would make you nice, warm, gooey homemade cookies...to see those pics.

Kurt said...

@Brandy: If I remember correctly I'm wearing a baseball jersey and have hair down to the center of my back in them. Very 90s grunge. You may retract that offer, if you like.

Brandy Rose said...

Oh, now I MUST see them!

Anna Russell said...

Photos! Photos! Photos!

Kurt, we insist.

Kurt said...

@Brandy and Anna: I have to break into my ex's house to retrieve them. Or if I wanted to be less secret agenty, I could just...you know...ask for them.

Char said...

Anna Anna Bo Banna, Banana Fana .... and the song goes on. As long as she doesn't make me eat haggis, she's cool in my books too. Of course my only claim to Scotland is with a traitorous bunch, so I generally only claim my relatives from Wales or Ireland.

Kurt said...

@Char: My mom is totally all about being Scottish. It's her favorite of all the nationalities she's made up of. Dad on the other-hand, is only marginally less German than a Panzer Tank.

Vic said...

I just keep hearing "That's a beeg damn Heed!"

Anna is cool. I loved her story of the small-town lady with the walkie talkie. I was afraid to comment because of her coolness. :)

Kurt said...

@Vic: "He's gonna cry himself ter sleep on his giant pilla." is my favoritee line from that movie. Anna IS super-cool. She's all "Pew! Pew! Pew!" and we're all "Ooooo!" , like fireworks.

Frank said...

I think I remember reading about Anna Russell in Jr. High School. Boy, she sure had hairy legs...

Thanks for the referral to her site. You're right. Yes, I know you know that, but now you know that I know you know it.

Kurt said...

@Frank: I think you're thinking of Bigfoot.

Char said...

oh, you must go here.
http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

This is the kind of thing my assface nemesis would say, but there really is a tear running down my face right now because I laughed so hard at these comments.

I lied about that tear. It's welling up but it hasn't fallen yet. I thought it would drop while I was writing this, but it's still holding on to my eyelid and now I'm an assface and a liar to boot. I'm sorry, Kurt.

Kurt said...

@SMU, Kid: I keep my truth requirements low on this blog, because if I talked about how awesome I really am, I might come across as vain. There ARE some very funny people stomping around here lately. Yourself included.

TrodoMcCracken said...

You know, I totally did write wang on the moon and whenever I drag my lazy ass out of bed, I'll prove it. Does Anna also shoot lightening out of her arse?

Anna Russell said...

Yes Trodo, I do. It kinda stings, but it's so worth it for having the party trick that can totally kill everyone in the room. I call it Zeus-onic Irrogation.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I was up late last night reading blogs and got caught up creeping all over yours. You are incredibly funny and a really talented writer. I don't mean that in an assface way, and I prefer to keep my comments dirty and insulting so this is kind of uncomfortable for me, but I just had to say it. I held my pee in for over an hour reading your old stuff, and I probably have a kidney infection now.

Also, tits.

Kurt said...

@Trodo: I cannot say whether or not I know about Anna's Ass-lightning, because she threatened to "Shock your ass into next week if you say anything".

@Anna: Well-played, Anna....Well-played.

@SMU, Kid: I will also break form and offer my sincere thanks for taking the time. I'm glad you enjoyed and sorry about the strained bladder.

Mr Farty said...

Here from Anna Russell, or possibly The Bloggress, I forget. Meh.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Long-haired Scotch cows - we call them Weegie cunts. But not when they can hear us, obv, or they'll give us a Glasgow kiss.

Christ, another blog to read, thanks. Just what I needed.

Toot toot! The noo.

Miss Yvonne said...

I would totally pay you to come stand in the corner and stare at me while I eat dinner. But only if you also play bagpipes while you wear your kilt.

Maggie May said...

i would be terrified to have you immortalize me!

Kurt said...

@Mr. Farty: Welcome. "weegie cunts" is a great name for almost anything as I see it.

@Miss Yvonne: Did you say "pay"? Hello Employment!!!

@Maggie May: Well, terrifying women IS what I do best. Apparently.