Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Questioning the Answers

So there I was, minding my own business and looking up semi-dirty phrases and using Google's new fill-in-the-blank feature so that when I type "I kissed your" I get :

but nothing is coming back super-funny so I try to go crazier, and I typed "I want to stick it in your armpit". Now, if you were to ask me why that phrase was the first thing to pop into my mind I would probably just look at you blankly for a minute and then fake a seizure, only you wouldn't know I was faking and you might stick your wallet in my mouth while you waited for the ambulance, so I would totally  a) have your wallet and b) not have to answer the question. Win/win.  I don't think that is any reflection on me is my point, if you are a sicko who wants to know where that link takes you,you'll have to look it up for yourself. As for me. I was sidetracked by this question:

Toothpaste? Armpit?  Wait...what? 

I guess of all the things you could put in your armpit, toothpaste makes a modicum of sense. I mean...it DOES eliminate smells. But that wasn't what the question implied. It says "..GIVES you..." and that, dear friends is why I gave up on my porn-based research and followed the link*. I HAD to know what it gave you. Superpowers? Gold Coins? A natural pheromone that attracts all members of the opposite sex like moths to a bug zapper?  And the answer! "While I don't recommend putting strange things in your armpits..." is just BEGGING for a "BUT". (That's what she said!)

So I went and looked and it turns out putting toothpaste in your armpit just gives you a sticky, albeit minty-fresh armpit and no gold coins or superpowers or dwarves to do your bidding, and that's the dumbest witchcraft I've ever heard of and I want my money back. Seriously. If your going to tease me with putting weird stuff in your armpits than it ought to at least be a terrific lie that captures the imagination.  So I helped.

Your welcome. This is how my genius will save the world, I'm sure of it.


Moonkee said...

That explains a lot for me.

Vic said...

I think that question goes in the third category, because if you're twisted enough to spawn dragons from your armpits, you are definitely the type to pet fish. (Let me know if you get any answers, because I totally want to try this!!)

Anna Russell said...

If it makes babies then it a kind of sex. Which only makes the whole thing even more wrong and awesome (because wrong and awesome are almost always the same thing).

Anna xxx

amy said...

I'm doing this tonight. You should too. We can sell them.
Dragons 'R' Us

TrodoMcCracken said...

You need to stay away from the internet, and I need to stay away from people having sex with animals. I think that's a fair deal.

Kurt said...

@Moonkee: Why my armpits smell like Scope©?

@Vic: I put it in Health because the people there are the most serious / crazy. So far I have 2 "no"s, 2 "huh"s, and 2 "LOL"s. So I'm going to start doing this weekly.

@Anna Russell: I agree completely. Wrong = Awesome 9 times out of 10. But that 10th time is usually REALLY wrong and your like "Ewww!".

@Amy: This is what I'm going to be doing instead of job hunting. I'll be smoking rolled up Benjamins by Autumn!

@Trodo: I can't stay away from the internet. It's where I keep all my stuff!

M said...

"I kissed your armpit and it tasted like toothpaste" is a winner, I think.

Also, what does it say about me that when I read your comment "that tree makes me scared of wood" the first thing that came to mind was "then don't look in your pants!"? My Hattori Hanso is obviously a twelve year old boy. Who enjoys your blog a little too much. Boobs!

Char said...

maybe that guy from list of the day will get the question to answer and then he will blog about the crazy question he answered.

that makes some type of sychronistic sense in my world.

Walter said...

"I heard that once" is yahoo answers code for "I really beleive this is true and want you to confirm it but I'm going to distance myself from it by blaming some unnamed person who I overheard."

Kurt said...

@M: There's no such thing as enjoy my blog too much. Those words aren't even a sentence in English. Also, any mention of "wood" that doesn't make you think of other, more lascivious things was done wrong.

@Char: I can only hope he does. That would be wonderful.

@Walter: I did hear it once. In my head. As I wrote it.

Brandy Rose said...

"If your going to tease me with putting weird stuff in your armpits..." That's what she said.

Kurt said...

@Brandy Rose: This was the comment that made me laugh hardest. Because I'm 12.