Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Questioning the Answers: Week II

So maybe you don't remember, but last week I posed a question to Yahoo Answers© about dragon eggs and I promised to let you know what happened, so this is me keeping that promise because my word is like a samurai blood-oath or crossing-your-heart-and-hoping-to-die, except I always mumble "not really" under my breath when I say that, because I don't actually want to die if I break my word. I'd rather just get a sharp look and then be quickly forgiven because I'm so charming.

So here is my RESOLVED question, and if I've learned one thing from this experience, that's a miracle, and if I've learned two things, it's that 1/3 of the people on Yahoo Answers© are brilliant and get how incredibly funny I am. And 1/3 are confused. And 1/3 are out there trying to help people and are literal, no sense of humor-having tight-asses, and screw them and their charity. Like I need it! 


Also it turns out that this is just a game and I am only a Level One question-asker, even though that was clearly at least a Level Six question, and I have 95 points, which I'm guessing is a high score for Level Ones like me, and I think I'm totally ready to level-up like in video games but I don't remember hearing anything about a boss battle, and what would a boss battle be in Yahoo Answers©  anyway(s)? I suppose it would be like a tougher than normal question, but since I'm only  Level One it would be like "Is it true that cats can fly?" and I'll be all "Hmm..." because I think it's a trick question and then I'll get it wrong and won't level-up. Also, I use my alias when I'm on Yahoo Answers© because I don't want all their unfunny answers messing up the free porn spam I get. My alias is Vin Cognito©, but don't tell anyone. Let's just keep that between us on the internet.


So the moral of this story is never give up without a fight, because I totally didn't and went back today and asked another question that will strike at the heart of what people think they know, and once that seed of knowledge has been planted it only needs time and patience to grow into a mighty Sequoia of Awesome and eagles will live in it, and centaurs will frolic in its shadow and that Pan guy with the goat legs will totally play his magic sex-lute or whatever, and all will be right in the world. Vic gave me the inspiration for this one, so you're welcome, Vic*.



*I'm not even sure Vic knew the capital of the Flamingo Empire was in the Everglades. She probably thought that was just where the administrative offices were, like the rest of you. I'm so informative you're lucky my brain doesn't supernova, because then there would be a black hole of genius. 


PS: Also, Flamingo-itis is a rare but incurable disease and if you don't believe me, than you are ahead of the curve. Kudos to you for thinking outside the box. Because the box is labelled "Put Stupid People in Here"

18 comments:

Char said...

snort

Biff? said...

In Orlando, there were people in our neighborhood who decorated the lawn with flamingoes pulling Santa's sleigh at Christmas. They also had a really cool looking Mexican Santa, even though he had a funny mustache and funny pants, I think that's what made him cool.

I miss Florida.

TrodoMcCracken said...

Okay Kurt, I challenge you. It'd be like Pokemon. Except instead of stupid monsters it's us.

Dare to see who can get a higher score in the Yahoo Answers game?

Kurt said...

@Char: Here. You can use my Handkerchief because I am such a fancy gentleman.

@Biff?: BIFF? !! So glad to see you here, Brother! A Mexican Santa pulled by flamingos is the MOST magic Santa.

@Trodo: Sure. But just be aware I play for keeps until I have nothing left to lose and a bunch of other things they say in movie trailers. Also, I don't play by the rules and I'm on the adventure of a lifetime.

Anna Russell said...

I'm ashamed to admit I use Yahoo Answers. Well, not that ashamed, or I wouldn't have told you. I have waaaaaay more points than you. Ha! (or not ha because I am pathetic for spending that much time on it). I may answer your question and you'll never know it's me. Or, I may not. Either way, you'll wonder. You'll sit in your dressing gown, eating your pop tarts and wonder. Mwuahahahahahaha!

Kurt said...

@Anna Russell: "Dressing Gown' sounds so FANCY! I'm using that from now on!

Anna Russell said...

Well, that's the proper name. Here, we call them "goonies". Not to be confused with a group of children who go on a treasure hunt only to be almost foled by some jocks, an evil mama and a creepy monster thing who turns out to be a really sweet guy.

Anna Russell said...

foiled, even

Kurt said...

Well according to my statistics, I'm calling it a dressing gown. Because who doesn't look lovely in a gown? Communists, that's who.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I am laughing like a moron over here in the MidWest I am starting to cry and my stomach hurts.

Seriously I wish I was witty enough to respond to this other than me laughing my ass off at that question : )

Vic said...

Dear Black Hole of Genius,
"Flamingo" means "flame", so "birds on fire", which doesn't mean anything at all, except to say that I'm pretty sure the administrative offices are in Miami. They used to be in Boca, in an Airstream, but they missed the nightlife.
I had flamingoitis once and it burned really bad.

Frank said...

Everyone knows you can’t make dragon eggs under your arm- because dragon eggs have to BREATHE, and there is no breathing in your arm pit. That is such a level one question… Try sitting on your fist while you sleep.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

In the case of inflamed flamingo, quickly mix together a salve made of glitter, hobo(e) semen, and dog poop and apply liberally in affected areas. Flaminflammation will scab and subside within days.

Thank god for my home remedies book.

Kurt said...

@Sarah: This is no laughing matter. Would you laugh at a dance-off? I think not.

@Vic: What's funny is that it started as a small mom and pop business. You need an ointment or a salve (see Steam Me Up, Kid's comment for details).

@Frank: Thanks. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle.

@SMU,Kid: It's your turn to milk the hoboes.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Alright, but Ol' Pickins McNits wants me to borrow your lube and your Michael Bolton CD. Apparently you've spoiled him.

Kurt said...

That guy is sooo wishy-washy. He's all "Use your thumb!" and then "Don't use your thumb!" Jeez, this isn't rocket-science.

Does anyone have a Handywipe©?

Miss Yvonne said...

I love that the best answer to the dragon egg question was just "no". Not even capitalized.

Kurt said...

I think the missed the subtlety of the joke.