I'm perusing the list of server locations and trying to figure out who-is-who amongst my readers based solely on your screen handles and where I think that sounds like you come from, when I notice that someone has searched for me based on the image I used last week of the PopTart© logo.
I'm officially in a tizzy© now.
I'm positive that the international Pop Tart© consortium or cartel** is going to send out goons© or lawyers© or zombies© to injuct all over me for using their logo without probable cause**, and they will not think that it is funny and they will use their knowledge of my favorite flavor against me because that's the kind of sick bastards they are. They'll be all "Low-fat Strawberry©, eh? Well, all we have to do is chase him for a while and Tubby© will just fall over. I mean...we're not talking about Jason Bourne© here. Dude© eats LF." And they will totally use the acronym "LF" for low-fat, because they are serious professionals and they will also call me "Dude." because they want their victims to not have names like Buffalo Bill© did when he called that poor girl in the hole "It" in "Silence of the Lambs©" and how the hell did I even get myself in this mess?
Now I am all paranoid about the PopTart© ninjas and have gone to great lengths to protect myself from further violations©, but my understanding of international copyright law is about the same as a Cottonmouth Rattlesnake©'s understanding of the Judeo-Christian© mythologic archtypes present in Blade Runner©****, so I guess I just better be extra careful.
And if you think for one second the whole point of this blog was to show off that after 25 years of keyboarding I finally bothered to look up how to make a copyright symbol than you are so wrong I can't even stand it.
Also, what are you psychic?
* I probably made up this word. I'm like the new Webster's© dictionary, only taller.
**Whichever is more evil. I think the consortium is more like a think-tank and they're the ones responsible for all the new flavors*, while the cartel is probably all about "black ops"
***My understanding of criminal law is impressive. I think "probable cause" is like when you get pulled over and the cops accuse you of kidnapping someone probably 'cause your trunk has a person in it who is bound and gagged. Hypothetically speaking.
**** This is the only thing I remember from "Film Theory©" class in college besides the fact that the girl who sat next to me had nice cans***** and how long until the next cigarette break, anyway(s) ?
*****It's not sexist because I said they were "nice". In fact, if you are offended I have the right to press charges probably 'cause you are sexually harrassing me with your mind.
UPDATE: I had to remove two usages of "totally" from this blog and one instance where I typed "me" instead of "my" because I didn't want you to think I had suddenly been shanghaied by pirates, even though that would be about the best day of my life.