Hattori Hanso: You can't write about porn. This is a family blog.
Me: Says who? And besides porn IS a family topic. Everyone likes porn.
HH: That's not true. Some people downright hate it.
HH: It's true. Some people find it to be disgusting.
Me: Even WITH the boobies?
HH: BECAUSE of the boobies.
Me: How can anyone hate boobies? They are like... magical givers of life. That's like hating unicorns or God or pixie dust or a really good cherry pie.
HH: Some people find them offensive.
Me: Some people are jerks. If I could make one holiday it would be The International Day of Boobies and everyone could run around topless and there could be a big boob-themed parade* and boob hats, and boob shirts and boob cakes and everyone would have to drink milk all day unless you are lactose intolerant... Hey! Maybe THAT'S why some people hate boobies!
HH: Because they are lactose intolerant?
Me: Right! Like, looking at boobs triggers some sort of allergic reaction!
HH: I don't think that's why.
Me: It's the only thing that makes sense, damn it! Look, I'm trying to be reasonable here but there are limits to what even my intellect can tolerate.
HH: And people not liking porn is on that list?
Me: Your MOM is on that list.
HH: We have the same mom, because I'm pretend so this insult pretty much makes no sense.
Me: Your MOM makes no sense.
I just did a search for "International Breast Day" and there wasn't one except for ones relating to Breast Cancer Awareness, which isn't even a little funny, and is totally a charity we should all support, and then I did a search for "International Boob Day" and it said "Did you mean International BOOK day?" and I was all "NO!" so apparently Google is one of those people who hate porn and now I hate them, except it's Google so really I love them.
When you search for anything with the word "boob" in it you get some crazy results and then I remembered that my Moderate Safe Search filter was off from the other day when I was looking up vaguely dirty words like "dink" to see how long it took me to find porn, because I am an amazing scientist and I always am doing research to better mankind, and the sad thing is, this is a true story.
A knitted Boobie hat from Etsy by someone calling themselves KinkyCrochet
* I mean a parade of large size celebrating boobs, not a parade devoted solely to big boobs because that's racist or something and I'm not that fussy.