I don't get it.
Seriously, if you opened up a resume that was folded up like a pirate hat and glitter shot out all over the place, that candidate would like HAVE the job, right? That's what I said! Also, I sprayed the stupid thing with like a gallon of "Axe" so now all the secretaries will be super-horny for me when I come in just like in those commercials, and their pure animal needs will be the tipping force in my being hired for Supreme Chancellor of Awesomeness or whatever. Here's how I imagine it would go:
Interviewer Person: Won't you come in, Mr. Kurt.
Me: That's what she said.
IP: Good One! Have a seat.
Me: I'll take yours! (because they like when you're confident.)
Me: Let's get started, shall we.
IP: Yes. Let's. It says here that you were "Head Astronaut and Laser Cannon Operator" on the Millenium Falcon. I thought that was pretend.
Me: Lots of people make that mistake. George Lucas is actually wanted for treason because of all the secrets he gave away.
IP: You weren't there long.
Me: Well once we blew up the second Death Star there wasn't much to do, was there? I mean, I was a war hero. It's all in there.
IP: Yes, I see. It says here you were awarded "like infinty purple hearts" and then you drew in a long line of hearts with a violet crayon.
Me:I was just trying to help you in case you were a visual learner.
IP: How considerate.
Me: Well you don't get the Nobel Prize for Coolness by being a dickweed.
IP: You don't, at that.
Me: Can I have some of this sandwich?
IP: Help yourself. Now under "Goals" you have listed "invisibility". Would you mind talking about that a little.
Me: Well, everyone knows the the main superpower everyone wants is flying, but with invisibility you have a better chance of watching people have sex, so that's a huge plus.
IP: I see.
Me: NO! You wouldn't! Because I would be invisible! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
IP: I don't think I need any more time, you're hired. We rarely get such a handsome candidate in here anyway(s).
Me: I thought you couldn't be biased.
IP: Lucky for you "Handsomeness" isn't a race, color,creed, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever else.
IP: Here's your signing bonus.
Me: A billion dollars cash and an invisible jet! You shouldn't have.
IP: Here at Disney we believe a dream is a wish your heart makes.